Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
My wife used to own this donkey. Her name was Elvira. The donkey I mean, not my wife. She started putting on some weight as she got older - again, the donkey, not my wife.
One day a pair of "little people" moved in next door. They were twin brothers, and for some reason their parents named them both Gene. It was really confusing, but they were good folks.
A few weeks after moving in, the two guys asked if they could come over and ride Elvira. I didn't see any reason why not, so they clambered up on her, both at the same time, and my wife and I walked her around the yard with them.
Because they were so small, it was no problem at all for Elvira to carry the two of them. The only odd side effect was, because of their abnormally small size, Elvira looked even bigger than usual. It was honestly kind of comical.
My wife turned and looked me dead in the eyes.
"Honey....do these Genes make my ass look fat?"
One day a pair of "little people" moved in next door. They were twin brothers, and for some reason their parents named them both Gene. It was really confusing, but they were good folks.
A few weeks after moving in, the two guys asked if they could come over and ride Elvira. I didn't see any reason why not, so they clambered up on her, both at the same time, and my wife and I walked her around the yard with them.
Because they were so small, it was no problem at all for Elvira to carry the two of them. The only odd side effect was, because of their abnormally small size, Elvira looked even bigger than usual. It was honestly kind of comical.
My wife turned and looked me dead in the eyes.
"Honey....do these Genes make my ass look fat?"
Latest Jokes
One day 3 nuns got together and the 1st nun says "Man it sure is boring being a nun. I think I'm going to leave the convent." Both of the other nuns agree and they go to the head nun(sister jude) to let her know that they did not want to be nuns anymore. The 1st nun says," Sister Jude I wish to not be a nun anymore." Then sister jude says, "Ok, go commit a mortal sin and then talk to me.'" After an hour the nun comes back to sister Jude and says,"I have committed the sin by sleeping with a married man." Ok, go drink from the holy water and you are no longer a nun." Sister Jude says. So, the nun drinks from the holy water and is no longer a nun. The second nun comes to sister Jude and says she does not want to be a nun and again Sister Jude says "Go commit a mortal sin and then I will tell you what to do." So the nun comes back 3 hours later and says, " I stole a bike from a little boy." "Ok, go drink from the holy water and yo are no longer a nun." Sister Jude says. Then the third nun comes and again says she does not want to be a nun. "Go commit a mortal sin and then talk to me." Sister Jude says yet again. "Well, I knew you were going to ask me to do this so I already committed a sin." The third sister said. 'What did you do?" Sister Jude asked. "I peed in the holy water"
"Jessica said her first word at 36 weeks!"
You mean 9 months.
"Ken is 24 months!"
Deborah, he's 2.
"My baby is -26 weeks old!"
No, Karen, you miscarried.
You mean 9 months.
"Ken is 24 months!"
Deborah, he's 2.
"My baby is -26 weeks old!"
No, Karen, you miscarried.
The bartender asks them what they'd like to drink, "I'd like h2O." The first scientist says. The second scientist says, "I will have h2O, too." He second scientists passes away seconds after his first sip
Give her a coloring book, and tell her to color in all the pages with a white crayon.
He walks up to the librarian and says "book book".
The librarian checks some books out for him and hands them to the chicken.
The chicken walks out with the books only to return 15 minutes later. He goes to the librarian and says " book book". The librarian raises an eyebrow but gives him some books anyway. The chicken walks out and comes back again. He comes up and goes "book book". The librarian wonders "why does this chicken need so many books?" So she gives the chicken some books and follows the chicken out the library. The chicken goes down the steps, across the road, into the woods, and gives the books to a frog sitting on a pile of books. The chicken days "book book" and the frog replies "Reddit Reddit"
The librarian checks some books out for him and hands them to the chicken.
The chicken walks out with the books only to return 15 minutes later. He goes to the librarian and says " book book". The librarian raises an eyebrow but gives him some books anyway. The chicken walks out and comes back again. He comes up and goes "book book". The librarian wonders "why does this chicken need so many books?" So she gives the chicken some books and follows the chicken out the library. The chicken goes down the steps, across the road, into the woods, and gives the books to a frog sitting on a pile of books. The chicken days "book book" and the frog replies "Reddit Reddit"
*Loudspeaker*
Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden
Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4
Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly
Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden
Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4
Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly
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