Jokes Collection

title.

It's all in the delivery.

I wore the wrong socks.

use Joule-Newtons.

"But dad" said the son, "I can't pick up my date on a tandem bike. It's dorky, and we'll never get to the movies in time."

The dad shook his head. "Trust me son when there's two people riding, you can burn through some serious rubber."

Every date is a blind date.

I'll tell it to the highest bidder.

drinkwater

..the one on top has a sudden irresistible craving for a baloney and cheese sandwich. He pulls out and tells his parter "Don't move a muscle, I'll be back in a minute."

He rushes out and quickly eats a baloney and cheese sandwich, and comes back to his partner still on the bed, but with jizz everywhere.

"What the hell! I told you not to move!"

"Sorry, I farted."

There are. They just get re-branded as "logic" and "the truth".

Guns do things.

It was in tents.

Because only A's are acceptable.

Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

He got fired.

So I called the police.

One day a guy sees an ad in the classifieds for a guaranteed effective weight loss plan. He calls the guy and is asked for his schedule of when he's available and that they'll contact him when they're ready.

The next day there's a knock at the door and when the man is greeted by a beautiful naked blonde woman who says "if you catch me, you can have your way with me". Well he chases her for a few minutes, but gets winded and has to retreat home.

A few days later, same thing, but now he was able to get closer to her. After a few weeks one day he's finally able to catch her, takes her behind the bushes and has his way with her. When he's finished he asks her, "so are we done now?" She informs him to be ready tomorrow and he goes home feeling accomplished.

The next day there's a knock at the door, but this time he's greeted by a big naked black man who says to him, "if I can catch you, I can have you!"

He ate pizza before it was cool

It was a clusterfuck.

They weren't invented yet.