Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
So the psychiatrist decided to have a test to see which patient is cured.
He drew a door on the wall and straight away, all the patients started charging at the door, scratching desperately, bloody nosed and torn nails, except one fellow sitting placcidly on his bed.
Feeling very hopeful, the psychiatrist asked the man, 'Why aren't you rushing at the door?'
The man gave the psychiatrist a sideway glance and a knowing smile, 'Those idiots, they don't know i have the key!'
He drew a door on the wall and straight away, all the patients started charging at the door, scratching desperately, bloody nosed and torn nails, except one fellow sitting placcidly on his bed.
Feeling very hopeful, the psychiatrist asked the man, 'Why aren't you rushing at the door?'
The man gave the psychiatrist a sideway glance and a knowing smile, 'Those idiots, they don't know i have the key!'
Latest Jokes
People who understand ternary, people who don't, and people who thought this was going to be the binary joke.
Sometimes in an airport, there are people with four hour layovers. They are in no rush.
Sometimes you have people with a 30 minute layover and they are rushing through the airport.
And then you have people who are just Russian.
Sometimes you have people with a 30 minute layover and they are rushing through the airport.
And then you have people who are just Russian.
A family of aliens flies close to earth and one of the children asks,
"Papa-mama (This is all translated you know), I really need to go! Can we stop here please!?"
"Sorry, but these sorts of places lately don't even have working plumbing."
"Papa-mama (This is all translated you know), I really need to go! Can we stop here please!?"
"Sorry, but these sorts of places lately don't even have working plumbing."
But unless the blacks is the name of a white family, that's probably not the case
--Seth Meyers
--Seth Meyers
As they wait in line, they decide to pass the time by telling stories of how they died.
The first man said "So there I was, walking home from work when I saw my wife through the window of my apartment with another man. I've been suspecting her of cheating for some time but now I finally had proof. I charge up the stairs, slam open the door and see this bastard trying to escape out the window. As he's hanging from the window sill, I pick up a hammer and hit his hands until he finally drops down five stories into the rose bushes. I see that he is still moving so I pushed the fridge out of the window at which point I had a heart attack from all the strain and died."
The second man gives the first one an incredulous look then he turned to the third man and started his story. "So there I was, getting paid to repair the door frame in his wife's apartment when all of a sudden this crazy bastard bursts in. He swung open the door, it hit me in the gut and I went flying out the window. Luckily I manage to grab onto the window sill but he decided to pick up my hammer and start beating the shit out of my hands until I finally fall. Miraculously I manage to land in the rose bushes but this son of a bitch wasn't done with me yet. He picks up the refrigerator and throws it at me!"
There is a long, tense and awkward silence. Finally the third man looks at the first and sheepishly starts his story. "So there I was, sitting naked in your wife's refrigerator..."
The first man said "So there I was, walking home from work when I saw my wife through the window of my apartment with another man. I've been suspecting her of cheating for some time but now I finally had proof. I charge up the stairs, slam open the door and see this bastard trying to escape out the window. As he's hanging from the window sill, I pick up a hammer and hit his hands until he finally drops down five stories into the rose bushes. I see that he is still moving so I pushed the fridge out of the window at which point I had a heart attack from all the strain and died."
The second man gives the first one an incredulous look then he turned to the third man and started his story. "So there I was, getting paid to repair the door frame in his wife's apartment when all of a sudden this crazy bastard bursts in. He swung open the door, it hit me in the gut and I went flying out the window. Luckily I manage to grab onto the window sill but he decided to pick up my hammer and start beating the shit out of my hands until I finally fall. Miraculously I manage to land in the rose bushes but this son of a bitch wasn't done with me yet. He picks up the refrigerator and throws it at me!"
There is a long, tense and awkward silence. Finally the third man looks at the first and sheepishly starts his story. "So there I was, sitting naked in your wife's refrigerator..."
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