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Trump's first day at the Oval Office. First briefing by the CIA, Pentagon, FBI:
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.
Trump: So what?
CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don't care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump: What the hell should I do???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!
God bless America!
Trump: We must destroy ISIS immediately.
CIA: We cannot do that, sir. We created them along with Turkey, Saudi, Qatar and others.
Trump: The Democrats created them.
CIA: We created ISIS, sir. You need them or else you would lose funding from the natural gas lobby.
Trump: Stop funding Pakistan. Let India deal with them.
CIA: We can't do that. It is Modi in India and not Manmohan.
Trump: So what?
CIA: Modi will cut Balochistan out of Pak.
Trump: I don't care.
CIA: India will have peace in Kashmir. They will stop buying our weapons. They will become a superpower. We have to fund Pakistan to keep India busy in Kashmir.
Trump: But you have to destroy the Taliban.
CIA: Sir, we can't do that. We created the Taliban to keep Russia in check during the 80s. Now they are keeping Pakistan busy and away from their nukes.
Trump: We have to destroy terror sponsoring regimes in the Middle East. Let us start with the Saudis.
Pentagon: Sir, we can't do that. We created those regimes because we wanted their oil. We can't have democracy there, otherwise their people will get that oil - and we cannot let their people own it.
Trump: Then, let us invade Iran.
Pentagon: We cannot do that either, sir.
Trump: Why not?
CIA: We are talking to them, sir.
Trump: What? Why?
CIA: We want our stealth drone back. If we attack them, Russia will obliterate us as they did to our buddy ISIS in Syria. Besides we need Iran to keep Israel in check.
Trump: Then let us invade Iraq again.
CIA: Sir, our friends (ISIS) are already occupying 1/3rd of Iraq.
Trump: Why not the whole of Iraq?
CIA: We need the Shi'ite gov't of Iraq to keep ISIS in check.
Trump: I am banning Muslims from entering US.
FBI: We can't do that.
Trump: Why not?
FBI: Then our own population will become fearless.
Trump: I am deporting all illegal immigrants to south of the border.
Border patrol: You can't do that, sir.
Trump: Why not?
Border patrol: If they're gone, who will build the wall?
Trump: I am banning H1Bs.
USCIS: You cannot do that.
Trump: Why?
Chief of staff: If you do so we'll have to outsource White House operations to Bangalore. Which is in India.
Trump: What the hell should I do???
CIA: Enjoy the White House, sir! We will take care of the rest!!!
God bless America!
What's your name - she asks
Dick - he replies - it's short for Richard
How does one get Dick from Richard - ask the girl curiously
One askes nicely for it - replies the boy
Dick - he replies - it's short for Richard
How does one get Dick from Richard - ask the girl curiously
One askes nicely for it - replies the boy
Somehow, all of their parachutes fail, and they die. At their funeral, their wives are discussing what will be done with each man's ashes.
The youngest brother's wife says "Oh, he loved to hike, so I'm going to scatter his ashes on his favorite forest trail."
The middle brother's wife says "My man loved to scuba dive, so I'll put his ashes in the ocean near his favorite reef."
The oldest brother's wife says "I'm dumping his ashes in a pot of chili so he can wreck my ass one last time!"
The youngest brother's wife says "Oh, he loved to hike, so I'm going to scatter his ashes on his favorite forest trail."
The middle brother's wife says "My man loved to scuba dive, so I'll put his ashes in the ocean near his favorite reef."
The oldest brother's wife says "I'm dumping his ashes in a pot of chili so he can wreck my ass one last time!"
I am sorry that your birthday was not yesterday, otherwise you would have had a puny birthday.
I was trying to boil an egg and noticed some eggs cracking. So I posted the following question in the stackexchange (cooking) website
"how do you boil eggs without cracking them?"
I got the following response comment with 0 answers:
> Mod here. This is a cooking website and eggs cracking is not related to cooking. However, as an exception I will allow this question for you and lets see what responses we get. A little more details would be appreciated
So I modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops.".
> mod here. Please describe which species, texture and color.
So I did some research and modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops. These are the white eggs from the white leghorn chicken".
> Please mention how you're boiling it, which vessel, for how long, how much water.
I now modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops. These are the white eggs from the white leghorn chicken. I'm boiling them in a kettle, with enough water to submerge the eggs. Have boiled them for around 8-10 minutes".
> Mod here. It would be great if you could provide a link to the bird species and upload a screenshot for your kettle. Please ignore this if you don't think that this is necessary.
I replied that I didn't think it was necessary.
> Mod here. I have edited your question anyhow and provided a link for the hen's species. I have also added a generic image showing a kettle and the boiling egg and deleted all previous conversations.
I replied "okay cool. It looks good so far. I hope someone replies to it".
> Mod here. This question has received 1 vote for closing as "too subjective". This question is too vast and cannot possibly be answered by anyone.
Meanwhile my question already had a couple of upvotes and I received the following answer - "Are you sure you didn't shake the egg before boiling it? Maybe you were trying to spin them to check whether they were boiled but in the process upset the albumen structure."
That's it! I chose the answer as the right answer and marked my question as answered.
> Mod here. This question has been closed as "too subjective" based on 5 votes. There is no way of answering this question. Please modify your question so that it's less subjective and it relates to the community.
*I made up this joke on the stackexchange websites based on how strict their community is. When you try to ask a simple question then the mods keep trying to edit your question until it ends up closed for some reason or the other.*
"how do you boil eggs without cracking them?"
I got the following response comment with 0 answers:
> Mod here. This is a cooking website and eggs cracking is not related to cooking. However, as an exception I will allow this question for you and lets see what responses we get. A little more details would be appreciated
So I modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops.".
> mod here. Please describe which species, texture and color.
So I did some research and modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops. These are the white eggs from the white leghorn chicken".
> Please mention how you're boiling it, which vessel, for how long, how much water.
I now modified the question to "How do you boil an egg without cracking it? I'm using standard hen eggs that can be purchased at local egg shops. These are the white eggs from the white leghorn chicken. I'm boiling them in a kettle, with enough water to submerge the eggs. Have boiled them for around 8-10 minutes".
> Mod here. It would be great if you could provide a link to the bird species and upload a screenshot for your kettle. Please ignore this if you don't think that this is necessary.
I replied that I didn't think it was necessary.
> Mod here. I have edited your question anyhow and provided a link for the hen's species. I have also added a generic image showing a kettle and the boiling egg and deleted all previous conversations.
I replied "okay cool. It looks good so far. I hope someone replies to it".
> Mod here. This question has received 1 vote for closing as "too subjective". This question is too vast and cannot possibly be answered by anyone.
Meanwhile my question already had a couple of upvotes and I received the following answer - "Are you sure you didn't shake the egg before boiling it? Maybe you were trying to spin them to check whether they were boiled but in the process upset the albumen structure."
That's it! I chose the answer as the right answer and marked my question as answered.
> Mod here. This question has been closed as "too subjective" based on 5 votes. There is no way of answering this question. Please modify your question so that it's less subjective and it relates to the community.
*I made up this joke on the stackexchange websites based on how strict their community is. When you try to ask a simple question then the mods keep trying to edit your question until it ends up closed for some reason or the other.*
A therapist has a theory that couples who make love once a day are the happiest.
So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled,
>"How many people here make love once a day?"
Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.
>"Once a week?"
A third of ?the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.
>"Once a month?"
A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks,
>"OK, how about once a year?"
One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory.
>"If you make love only once a year," he asks, "why are you so happy?"
The man yells, "Today's the day!"
So he tests it at a seminar by asking those assembled,
>"How many people here make love once a day?"
Half the people raise their hands, each of them grinning widely.
>"Once a week?"
A third of ?the audience members raise their hands, their grins a bit less vibrant.
>"Once a month?"
A few hands tepidly go up. Then he asks,
>"OK, how about once a year?"
One man in the back jumps up and down, jubilantly waving his hands. The therapist is shocked—this disproves his theory.
>"If you make love only once a year," he asks, "why are you so happy?"
The man yells, "Today's the day!"
...The packbacker looks at Ivan and says "Its dark, i'm scared"
Ivan looks at her and says "You're scared?! I have to walk back through here alone!"
Ivan looks at her and says "You're scared?! I have to walk back through here alone!"
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