Jokes Collection
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Featured Joke
The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
Latest Jokes
and asks the bartender for a rum and coke. The bartender says " Is Pepsi okay?" The man replies, "Yeah that's fine". The bartender takes out a glass and fills it with Pepsi and Coke.
A young couple went to a beach. Unbeknownst to them it was a nude beach. So to fit in the couple stripped. The couple laid down and began to relax. 2 minutes later a bee flew into the wife's vagina. She told her husband and they left for a doctor. While explaining what had happened to the doctor and how no matter what they tried nothing worked. The doctor told the husband "the one suggestion i have for you is if you wanted you could put honey on the end of your penis and attempt to lure him out". To which the husband replied "fuck that". So the doctor asked for permission if he would be able to. To which the husband allowed. So the doctor got ready and said "change of plans I'm gonna drown the little bastard".
St. Peter greets them in heaven, "you've all lead exceptional lives resisting sin and serving the Lord. It's merely a formality, but I have to give you a short quiz before allowing you into heaven. I'll make it quick and easy."
To the first nun he asked, "who was the first man?"
She answered, "that's easy! Adam!"
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in.
To the second, "who was the first woman?"
"That's easy! Eve!"
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in.
To the third, "what's the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun pauses for a second, "hmm... that's a hard one..."
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open...
To the first nun he asked, "who was the first man?"
She answered, "that's easy! Adam!"
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in.
To the second, "who was the first woman?"
"That's easy! Eve!"
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open, and she walks in.
To the third, "what's the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The nun pauses for a second, "hmm... that's a hard one..."
The bells of heaven ring, the gates of heaven open...
what's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde ?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it..
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it..
Moses steps up, takes a swing, and hits the golf ball into a pond. He pauses for a moment, goes down to the pond, raises his golf club, and splits the pond so that the ball falls onto ground. Moses then descend into the pond, hits the golf ball again, and manages to hit the ball into the hole.
Next is Jesus. He also hits the ball into the lake, but Jesus just walks onto the pond, takes another shot, and gets the golf ball in the hole.
The old man takes a calculated swing, but the ball also goes into the direction of the pond. But, right before the ball hit the pond, a fish jumps up, catching the ball in its mouth. Next, an eagle swoops down, snatches the fish in its mouth and flies to the hole. Then, the eagle drops the fish, who in turn drops the ball into the hole, making it a hole-in-one.
Moses scowls and says to Jesus, "You just *had* to bring your dad along with you, didn't you?"
Next is Jesus. He also hits the ball into the lake, but Jesus just walks onto the pond, takes another shot, and gets the golf ball in the hole.
The old man takes a calculated swing, but the ball also goes into the direction of the pond. But, right before the ball hit the pond, a fish jumps up, catching the ball in its mouth. Next, an eagle swoops down, snatches the fish in its mouth and flies to the hole. Then, the eagle drops the fish, who in turn drops the ball into the hole, making it a hole-in-one.
Moses scowls and says to Jesus, "You just *had* to bring your dad along with you, didn't you?"
The Machine Would buzz whenever a lie was told, so the Father decided to test it out at Dinner.
The father asked,
"What did you do with your lunch money today at school,son?"
" I just bought lunch"
The Machine buzzed, and the kid starting sweating as the Mom and Dad looked at him, until finally saying,
"I used it to pay someone I owed money to"
The Machine Buzzed for a second time, so the Son stood up and told the truth.
"Fine, I used it to gamble on a poker game..."
The father scolded him, saying "I never gambled when I was your age!"
And the machine buzzed again. Everyone at the table started laughing. When the laughter cleared up, The mom looked at the father, spoke up and said,
"What can I say? He *is* your son after all"
And the Machine Buzzed again.
EDIT: Grammar error in the punchline.
The father asked,
"What did you do with your lunch money today at school,son?"
" I just bought lunch"
The Machine buzzed, and the kid starting sweating as the Mom and Dad looked at him, until finally saying,
"I used it to pay someone I owed money to"
The Machine Buzzed for a second time, so the Son stood up and told the truth.
"Fine, I used it to gamble on a poker game..."
The father scolded him, saying "I never gambled when I was your age!"
And the machine buzzed again. Everyone at the table started laughing. When the laughter cleared up, The mom looked at the father, spoke up and said,
"What can I say? He *is* your son after all"
And the Machine Buzzed again.
EDIT: Grammar error in the punchline.
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