Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
Finds a ESC key from a keyboard on the floor, make the shity pun; "the Esc key escaped."
Latest Jokes
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
A man moved into a new apartment, and he decided to go and check his mail. The next thing he knows, a beautiful woman is standing in front of him and she has a robe on and she opens it and the man notices she has nothing on underneath. He tries to keep eye contact with the girl while she is talking to him. All of a sudden she says, "I hear someone coming, let's go in my apartment.
When they get in to her apartment, she lets her robe fall to the ground and asks the man, "Which part of my body do you like the best?" The guy replies, "Your ears."
So she gets mad and asks, "Why my ears!? Look at this body! It's perfect! Look at these breasts -- they're real and they're mine! Look at this butt -- it's hard and firm! So why my ears?" The guy says, "Well, because the person you heard coming was me!"
When they get in to her apartment, she lets her robe fall to the ground and asks the man, "Which part of my body do you like the best?" The guy replies, "Your ears."
So she gets mad and asks, "Why my ears!? Look at this body! It's perfect! Look at these breasts -- they're real and they're mine! Look at this butt -- it's hard and firm! So why my ears?" The guy says, "Well, because the person you heard coming was me!"
I think it's pretty cool how ?the Chinese made a language entirely out of tattoos.
In hindsight, typing "14 year old porn" into Google probably wasn't my smartest idea
He picks it up and notices how cold it is to the touch, how weak and skinny it feels, and he knows its time is almost up.
He searches frantically until he finds a fresh cow pie and when he does he plops the bird down in the steamy, warm pile.
Immediately the bird starts to make a little noise and it ruffles its feathers, taking in the warmth. Feeling encouraged the cowboy begins feeding the bird some of the cow pie and the bird becomes more and more animated, being also warmed from the inside out, and it begins singing its head off in glee.
Satisfied, the cowboy walks away, leaving the bird to its birdsong. A nearby fox hears all this ruckus and promptly trots over to the cow pie and eats the little bird in one bite.
Moral of the story: if you're safe, warm, and full of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut.
He searches frantically until he finds a fresh cow pie and when he does he plops the bird down in the steamy, warm pile.
Immediately the bird starts to make a little noise and it ruffles its feathers, taking in the warmth. Feeling encouraged the cowboy begins feeding the bird some of the cow pie and the bird becomes more and more animated, being also warmed from the inside out, and it begins singing its head off in glee.
Satisfied, the cowboy walks away, leaving the bird to its birdsong. A nearby fox hears all this ruckus and promptly trots over to the cow pie and eats the little bird in one bite.
Moral of the story: if you're safe, warm, and full of shit, keep your fucking mouth shut.
.....and says "Can I have a vodka and ......................................................................................................................................................................................................................... tonic water please"
The barman says: "Sure, but why the big pause?"
The barman says: "Sure, but why the big pause?"
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