Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Latest Jokes
The real question you have to ask yourself, is what was that tree we doing in the kitchen.
They research for a year and then each of them reports back to the syndicate.
The biologist tells them that he can breed them the perfect horse,that will win any race, but it'll cost 10 billion and take twenty years. They thank him, but tell him that's too much and turn to the statistician.
The statistician tells them that he can write a formula to predict the outcome of every race, but he'll need a computer that'll cost 100 million and it'll only be right 49% of the time. They tell him that's worse than a coin flip and turn to the physicist.
Now the physicist is beaming from ear to ear and proudly announces that he can win them every singe race no problem. Excited the syndicate begs him to tell them more, so he walks to a whiteboard and begins to sketch out his proposal.
"Now, to start with, we made a number of simplifying assumptions, beginning with presuming that each horse is a perfect sphere..."
The biologist tells them that he can breed them the perfect horse,that will win any race, but it'll cost 10 billion and take twenty years. They thank him, but tell him that's too much and turn to the statistician.
The statistician tells them that he can write a formula to predict the outcome of every race, but he'll need a computer that'll cost 100 million and it'll only be right 49% of the time. They tell him that's worse than a coin flip and turn to the physicist.
Now the physicist is beaming from ear to ear and proudly announces that he can win them every singe race no problem. Excited the syndicate begs him to tell them more, so he walks to a whiteboard and begins to sketch out his proposal.
"Now, to start with, we made a number of simplifying assumptions, beginning with presuming that each horse is a perfect sphere..."
So he goes up to the guy with the stopwatch and asks what's happening.
The guy with the stopwatch explains that they are doing preliminary tryouts for the Olympics running team.
"Ah", says Horace, "so these are the tries that time men's soles."
The guy with the stopwatch explains that they are doing preliminary tryouts for the Olympics running team.
"Ah", says Horace, "so these are the tries that time men's soles."
The mother of a New Zealand family passed away, leaving behind her husband and son. They were poor farmers and in order to give his son a better life, the father sent the son away to university.
It's been a year, and the son didn't contact his father even once. Two years, and still not a word. Five years and all the father heard back was silence. After ten years, the father assumed his son was already dead, when one day he runs into him on the street.
"Son, where have you been all these years?" he asked.
"Father, I've studied a lot and become a veterinarian."
"A vet? all these years just to be a vet?"
"Well father, you'd be surprised, I've grown into such an
experienced vet that I can practically speak to them. In fact, is it true that you punched this cat because it drank your water?"
"Err, yes..." The father replied.
"And is it true that you kicked this dog for eating your lunch?"
"Yes, it is, but don't listen to that sheep, she's a goddamn liar!"
It's been a year, and the son didn't contact his father even once. Two years, and still not a word. Five years and all the father heard back was silence. After ten years, the father assumed his son was already dead, when one day he runs into him on the street.
"Son, where have you been all these years?" he asked.
"Father, I've studied a lot and become a veterinarian."
"A vet? all these years just to be a vet?"
"Well father, you'd be surprised, I've grown into such an
experienced vet that I can practically speak to them. In fact, is it true that you punched this cat because it drank your water?"
"Err, yes..." The father replied.
"And is it true that you kicked this dog for eating your lunch?"
"Yes, it is, but don't listen to that sheep, she's a goddamn liar!"
BDSM while being dressed as a Knight is my absolute weakness.
You can say that it is a Kink in my Armour.
You can say that it is a Kink in my Armour.
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