Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
... and he asked his father, who was a minister, if they could start driving dad's car.
His father replied, "We'll make a deal. You bring your grades up, study the Bible and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about it."
After a month the boy came back and again asked his dad if he could use the car.
The father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible very well. But you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah and even Jesus had long hair..."
To which his father replied, "Yeah, and all of them walked everywhere, on foot! "
His father replied, "We'll make a deal. You bring your grades up, study the Bible and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about it."
After a month the boy came back and again asked his dad if he could use the car.
The father said, "Son, I've been real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you've studied your bible very well. But you didn't get your hair cut!"
The young man waited a moment and replied, "You know dad, Samson had long hair, Moses had long hair, Noah and even Jesus had long hair..."
To which his father replied, "Yeah, and all of them walked everywhere, on foot! "
Latest Jokes
George: Punish me baby, I've been a bad boy.
Laura: Hmmm...what did you do honey?
George: 9/11
Laura: Hmmm...what did you do honey?
George: 9/11
It was a hot summers day and the barman thinks it's a strange sight, not to just see Batman, but to see him with a pig that has jet black hair, black eye shadow and studded bracelets.
The barman says "Is there anything I can get you Batman?"
He replies "Just-ice for goth-ham"
The barman says "Is there anything I can get you Batman?"
He replies "Just-ice for goth-ham"
A long married couple in their late fourties are waking up in their bed on a sunday morning.
The wife said: I had a very weird dream tonight.
I was dreaming of a basket full of penises
There were all kind of penises in that basket.
Long ones, small ones, circumsized ones, black ones...just every penis you can imagine was in that basket.
The man asked: Was my penis in that basket too?
The woman replied: all down to the bottom of the basket there was your penis, all ugly and really small.
THe man then said, I also had a very weird dream.
I was dreaming of a bucket full of vaginas.
There were all kinds of vaginas in that bucket.
The woman now was curious and asked: And was my vagina also in that bucket??
The man: The bucket was Standing in it.
The wife said: I had a very weird dream tonight.
I was dreaming of a basket full of penises
There were all kind of penises in that basket.
Long ones, small ones, circumsized ones, black ones...just every penis you can imagine was in that basket.
The man asked: Was my penis in that basket too?
The woman replied: all down to the bottom of the basket there was your penis, all ugly and really small.
THe man then said, I also had a very weird dream.
I was dreaming of a bucket full of vaginas.
There were all kinds of vaginas in that bucket.
The woman now was curious and asked: And was my vagina also in that bucket??
The man: The bucket was Standing in it.
-Im afraid.
-But why bae?
-what if I get pregnant?
- I can promise you that wont happen Fernando.
-But why bae?
-what if I get pregnant?
- I can promise you that wont happen Fernando.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fullfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Backstory: Friends of mine (Jon and Amy) named their child Theo. They say the joke is horrible. I kinda like it. Any good?
(Dad)Joke: What happens when you combine Jon and Amy? I have a (Theo)ry...
Edit: () around Theo
(Dad)Joke: What happens when you combine Jon and Amy? I have a (Theo)ry...
Edit: () around Theo
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