Jokes Collection

After all, there's a child in all of us.

... it might be a shoe.

Nothing bananas can't talk.

A leotard.

The Holocaust
Worse*

You can say she has a bad habit.

Cancer reproduces itself.

Room 52E, at the downtown hopsital

I was ask what is the difference between "like" and "love". I was kinda struggling with ways to put them into words because these are "feelings you're supposed to feel", right? Then I let it flow in me. I tried to feel it. The best way I could put it was food.

Like is sorta similar to pasta or fish & chips for me. I like them. I enjoy them and I don't mind them showing up on my plate. Sometimes, I even crave them but I don't LOVEEE them. I just enjoy them and wanna eat them once in a while. That's it.

Love is kinda like pizza. If I can, I'd eat them everyday. I might get bored of it for a while, maybe curious to try other food. But I'll always come back to it. If I land my dream job, I'd order a pizza to celebrate it. If I lose my pet cat, I'd get myself a slice of pizza. After a long day at work, I'd get myself a piece of pizza as treat. It's the food I'd want to spend my best and worst days with. I'd mourn for the closure of a pizza joint, because I care about pizzas.....because I'm in love with pizza.

But then again, I can eat pizzas legally. I can't say the same for humans. So I suppose it's not exactly the best analogy.

...but I keep forgetting

God: "Adam."
Adam: "Yes, God?"
God: "Where's Eve?"
Adam: "I think she's washing her panties in the river."
God: "Oh no! Stop her! I'll never get the smell out of those fish!"

They are looking up at the sky, it is beautiful with stars shining and the moon out. One girl asks the other, whats closer to Hawaii the moon or Florida. The other girl responds, "the moon, duh? you can't see Florida from here...."

Boss: Damn, I asked her to debrief all the interns before the meeting.

Cumin

it's fucking close to water.

Yes I are.

You'd like a punchline to this, wooden jew.

A young man, out on the tiles with his mates, spies the girl of his Dreams across a dance floor.

Having admired her from afar, he finally gets up the courage to talk to her.

Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night, the young man arrives at her house with a bunch of flowers and a box of chocolates.

To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. 'I'm sorry' she exclaims, 'I'm running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish dressing.

I should warn you though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this, she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and
promptly disappears.

As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable as both of the parents are completely silent.

Dad is sitting in his armchair watching football on TV and Mum is busy knitting.

After about 10 minutes of complete silence, Mum jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers and pours a glass of water over her backside.

Just as sudden, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch and takes her from behind.

He then sits back in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief.

After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.

The date is a complete disaster.

The young man is totally pre-occupied by the antics of the young lady's Parents.

At the end of the date, sensing something is seriously wrong, the young lady asks the young guy,

"What's the matter? What have I done wrong?"

"No, it's not you", he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened whilst I was waiting for you and I'm still shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties and throws a glass of water on her backside.Then, as if that wasn't enough, your father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back and places a match stick by his eye".

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.

The man can't believe her casual response.

Mum was simply saying 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?'

And Dad was replying 'No fuck him, I'm watching the match'

...and proceeds to ask the Asian teller, Ms. Patricia Wok, for a $5,000 loan. Absolutely gobsmacked at a talking frog she mechanically goes through the procedure, asking him if he has any references. As a matter of fact, he replies, my dad's Mick Jagger, he's a musician. Okay, she says hesitantly. I mean if a talking frog, what's not allowed? Do you have any collateral, she continues. Yeah, he says, this ruby, while pulling a crimson rock from his overalls. Composing herself she decides to ask the bank manager for assistance. Quickly bringing him up to speed, she says, can we continue with the transaction and is the ruby even real? At which point the bank manager examines the gemstone, sizes up the situation and says, it's just a nicknack Patty Wok but give the frog a loan, his old man is a rolling stone.

Because Chernobyl fallout.