Jokes Collection

**What do you call a three legged cow?**
*Tri tip*

**What do you call a cow with no legs?**
*Ground beef*

**What do you call a masturbating cow?**
*Beef Stroganoff*

A guy has a granny fetish, and visits a bordello to satisfy his craving.

After securing the 70 year old hooker, he's happily banging away, when he takes a floppy tit in his mouth, and starts sucking.

While doing so, he sucks a milky substance out of the wrinkly old tit.

"Gee, granny" The guy says, "aren't you a little old to be giving milk?"

"Too old for milk" the granny says, "But not too old for cancer"

Because he failed to give a Trigger warning.

This woman is accused of attacking her husband with several of his guitars.

Judge: "First Offender?"

Woman: "No. First a Gibson Les Paul. Second a Fender."

They're annoying until I smash them then they just smell

A Plumber works to unclog the system.

Using a battery ram.

In his ark hives

They charge you and fuck you.

THESE are the brakes!

Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.

A guy with a hunchback and a guy lame in one leg are lifelong friends. After a night of heavy drinking, they are walking home completely wasted. Suddenly they notice they took a wrong turn. They are next to the graveyard. The guy with the hunchback decides to cross the graveyard as his house is just on the other side. His friend doesn't want to go with him because he heard that if you cross the graveyard at night, a ghost will appear... They say goodbye and go their own way.

As the guy with the hunchback arrives at the center of the graveyard, a ghost appears out of thin air!

"Wooooo, I am the ghost of the graveyard" the ghost screams. The guy with the hunchback is so terrified that he isn't able to speak. The ghost looks at the man and says, "What do you have on your back?". "Hu-hunchback" the man replies. The ghost charges at the man and screams "GIVE IT TO ME!".

The next day the friends meet again at the pub. The lame guy can't believe his eyes, his friend is cured of his hunchback! That night, he decides to go the graveyard.

As the lame guy arrives at the centre, a ghost appears out of thin air!

"Wooooo, I am the ghost of the graveyard" the ghost screams. "Hi", says the man, "I'm lame in one leg, can you cure me please?". The ghost looks at the man and says, "What do you have on your back?". "Huh what? Nothing?", the man replies. "Okay then", says the ghost, "have a hunchback!"

Doctor: Your health seems to be in such a condition that I believe you can reach 80 years.

*But doctor, I am already 80!*

You see - I told you to quit smoking.

Bernie Sanders
Not what u were expecting huh?

We are all genuinely concerned about her health.

Cause I found a tampon in my backyard and I wanted to know what period it was from.

The Nazis had a purpose

A DAB of mustard... My friend told me this one.

The waiter asks them what the discussion was about?

Terrorist :- We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey

Waiter :- Why a donkey?

Then one terrorist says to the other,
"See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people".

Put it in a square cup