Jokes Collection

They prefer their molecules free of charge.

In 2016, however, the Pentagon suddenly had four times the bathrooms necessary.

One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Heard very recently and just had to share.

Since the passing of Quasimodo, Notre-Dame has needed a new bell-ringer. The priests held auditions for an entire day, but no one could quite live up to the task. Near the end of the day, when they were ready to call it quits, a man with no arms approached them.

"Hi, I'd like to audition to be the bell-ringer?" he said.

The priests looked at each other, said "why not, and gave him a chance. The man took a few paces back, and then ran head first into the bell. And it was the most beautiful the bell had ever sounded. The priests immediately gave him the job, and in his excitement, the man lined up again. A few paces back, ran head first, and missed the bell completely, fell to the ground, and *splat* died on impact.

The priests ran down and worked their way through a crowd to see the man. One person asked "Mother of mercy, does anyone know who this man was?"

To which the priest replied, "I dunno, but his face rings a bell."

Wipes.

But Na.

The first one goes "Crap, a car is comiii..."

<SPLAAASH>

"Wheeee?!"

<SQUIIIISH>

Michael Smith wrote down *what's the point of having wings if you can't fly* and it sparked a philosophical ruckus.

Everyone was so amazed by this line because it perfectly described how people rarely reach their full potential.


When Michael was asked what inspired him to write this famous line, he replied, "I don't know dude, I'm just a turkey".

Holy Shit

Well, I killed a man and I'm not sorry.

nacho time

They were Huxtaposed

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists:

Two men and one woman...

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun..

'We must know that you will follow the Instructions no matter what the circumstances.

Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair .. . . Kill her!!'

The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.'

The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.'

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room. All was Quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'
The agent said,

'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.'

Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to kill her husband..

She took the Gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one After another. They heard screaming, crashing, Banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was Quiet.

The door opened s l o w l y and there stood the Woman, wiping the sweat from her brow..

'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said..
'I had to Beat him to death with the chair.'

He gets banschlussed.

Charles was getting annoyed and shouted upstairs to his wife," Hurry up or we'll be late."
"Oh, be quiet," replied his wife. "Haven't I been telling you for the last hour that I'll be ready in a minute?"

Because, he was a grape victim.

The 3rd one was smart and ducked.

wait until the nominations come out for the World's Greatest Dad Award.

She reported me for beastality shortly after we had sex!

It was a close shave.