Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
You might be a Redneck Jedi if...You ever heard the phrase, "May the force be with y'all."Your Jedi robe is camouflage.You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of BudLight.At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgumskeeters.Wookies are offended by your B.O.You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so youdidn't have to wait for a commercial.You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.Your father has ever said to you, "Shoot, son come on over to thedark side...it'll be a hoot."You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of yourland-speeder.You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Dukeshorts.You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to getin through the window.Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba theHutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwooddeck.You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantinascene.If you hear . . . "Luke, I am your father . . . and your uncle."
Latest Jokes
... when suddenly, the car hit a large and old-looking cow.
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best sex of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"
The driver got out and checked to see if it was dead. After confirming the death, he saw the tag on it that said it belonged to a nearby farm. He told Hillary Clinton that he would be going over to the farm to tell the farmers what happened.
About an hour later, he returned. His clothes were messed up, he was covered in lipstick, he had an expensive cigar in his mouth, and in both hands were two full bottles of the most expensive champagne ever.
"What happened?", Hillary asked.
"When I went to the farm, they eagerly invited me in. Then, the husband gave me this cigar, the wife gave me the wine, and their two daughters gave me the best sex of my life!", the driver said with a huge smile on his face.
"What did you say to them?", Hillary asked.
"I said, 'I'm Hillary Clinton's driver and I just killed the old cow', and the rest happened so quickly I couldn't do anything!"
He wanders around until he comes across a beautiful mare inside a small enclosure with a farmer standing at the gate.
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?"
"Sure", says the farmer,"come on in."
The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer "Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth."
The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare's eyes.
"Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth."
Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare's ears and exclaiming, "Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth."
The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.
Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, "Her twat. her twat, I want to see her twat!"
The farmer, infuriated, pick up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mare's backside.
He leaves the dwarf's little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his mates for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf from his predicament, "SCHLOOOOP!"
The dwarf wipes himself down and says. "I think I better wephrase that...I'd like to thee her gallop!"
He goes up to the farmer and says, "Excthuth me, can I have a look at your horth?"
"Sure", says the farmer,"come on in."
The dwarf wanders round and round the mare and then stops, says to the farmer "Her eyeth, her eyeth, I want to see her eyeth."
The farmer has to bend down and pick up the dwarf to show him the mare's eyes.
"Nith eyeth, nith eyeth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth."
Once again the dwarf wanders around the horse, in turn asking the farmer to pick him up and show him the mare's ears and exclaiming, "Nith earth, nith earth, I like thith horth, I like thith horth, I think I want to buy thith horth."
The farmer is starting to get pissed off by this stage because the dwarf is quite heavy.
Suddenly the dwarf stops in his tracks and says, "Her twat. her twat, I want to see her twat!"
The farmer, infuriated, pick up the dwarf and drives him head first into the mare's backside.
He leaves the dwarf's little legs kicking and wanders off to talk to his mates for a couple of minutes. He then comes back and extracts the dwarf from his predicament, "SCHLOOOOP!"
The dwarf wipes himself down and says. "I think I better wephrase that...I'd like to thee her gallop!"
This bar has a magic mirror that consumes anyone who lies
The redhead comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets sucked in
The brunette comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets sucked in
The blonde comes in and says "I think-" and she gets sucked in
The redhead comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets sucked in
The brunette comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets sucked in
The blonde comes in and says "I think-" and she gets sucked in
##You miss 100% of the shits you don't take.
Made this typo and thought it was hilarious...
Made this typo and thought it was hilarious...
Muslim's were the ones that invented the condom. This was well before plastics so they used goat intestines. Then the British came along and stole the idea from the Muslims and improved it by removing the intestines from the goat.
Five men and one woman strand on a deserted island after their cruise ship sank. They are the only survivors. They find shelter and enough food and water to sustain them. So now they discuss the matter of sex. They all agree that each man gets his different day of the week to have sex with the woman. And in the weekends the woman is free to choose any or no man.
Now everything is going fine. But after 3 weeks the woman gets ill and eventually dies. The first week, the men are doing fine. The second week, it gets harder. But the third week, it becomes unbearable. That's when they decided to bury the woman.
Now everything is going fine. But after 3 weeks the woman gets ill and eventually dies. The first week, the men are doing fine. The second week, it gets harder. But the third week, it becomes unbearable. That's when they decided to bury the woman.
"I'll have H2O," says the first.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
"I'll have H2O, too," says the second.
The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.
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