Jokes Collection

- Biden fucked up America?
- No, about farted over!

UNDEFINABLE Proof of Bill Gates' Involvement in Coronavirus
"Coronavirus" constantly has "s" as well as "Windows"

Have you noticed that people who are outraged by fakes on the Internet willingly consume fakes from TV?

The restaurant chef, who married a supermodel so that she would not leave for another, cooked her something with peas and garlic every day.

On November 6, 2021, the US Navy's new 227-meter tanker Harvey Milk, named after the famous gay rights activist, was launched. US Navy Secretary Carlos Del Toro expressed confidence that "future sailors aboard this ship will be inspired by Milk's life and legacy." The new ship has an unusual feature - it always turns stern to other ships in the vicinity.

- We want to talk to you about God. Are you not afraid to die tomorrow?
- I live in Russia. I'm afraid to live here tomorrow.

American BLM activists say there will be no riots until a sufficient supply of goods appears on store shelves.

Autumn. It's getting colder. Women are switching to jeans with padded holes at the knees.

METAstases of the virtual universe in every head!
META's motto.

The outhouse on the Crew Dragon spacecraft has broken. So I knew that some poop would choke the Great American Offensive on Other Worlds. After all, it was only during flights to the moon that the American astro knights could endure several days without this ... well, you know ..

If Apple produced a Kalashnikov assault rifle, then the rags from last year's model would not fit the lubrication of the new one.
The ramrod would be like a unique vibrator. And the bullet went on cuts only with the permission of Tim Cook.
The front sight would be sold for each target separately, and the telescopic sight would only be sold in the United States.
The Picatinny bar would be considered a forbidden life hack. And the headphones were connected to the machine through a clever microcircuit so that no hub would approach it! The folding stock would have a unique serial number engraved in Chinese gold characters inside the power frame ...

- Why do cats purr when they are stroked, although then they lick themselves as if they were dirty?
- Because at this moment they think: "this is great, there will be something to do, otherwise I'm lying around".

Why Glock is better than iPhone.
After the presentation of the new iPhone model, the world was swept by another wave of gadgetomania - millions of smartphones instantly became obsolete, and giant queues lined up in shopping centers for new clothes. It is difficult to imagine that at the same time there are things that remain in demand and relevant, without changing for decades.
So let's compare!
1. In the 35 years since the creation of the first pistol in the "Glock" line, only 5 generations have changed. A new iPhone appears about once a year.
2. If you have a previous iPhone model, you are a sucker and a loser. If you own a previous or even the very first Glock, you just have a good pistol.
3. Each generation of iPhones has its own batteries, incompatible with other models. You can take a magazine from the first generation from the Glock and calmly shoot from a pistol of the fifth. And the standard size of the 9 × 19 "Luger" cartridges has not changed at all since 1902.
4. In each generation of iPhones, there are usually only two sizes - large and extra large. The Glock range includes dozens of pistols, from tiny subcompacts to sporty models with an elongated barrel.
5. "Apple" requires that iPhones be repaired only in branded service centers, and you can buy programs only in the App Store. You can even repair the Glock with a hammer in your garage. And the Glock certainly doesn't give a damn where and what cartridges you buy.
6. If you drop your iPhone into water, you don't even need to get it out - it's already dead. "Glock" is not even necessary to get it - it shoots under water. And he himself will make anyone dead.
7. "Glock" can hammer in nails and chop nuts. The iPhone ... you get the idea.
8. iPhone X in the US will start at $ 999. The fifth generation Glock 17 costs between $ 559 and $ 649.
9. And finally, if you bought a new iPhone and met gopniks that same evening, then you can only sympathize. But if you bought a Glock, then you will not have to sympathize.

Mark Zuckerberg decided to rename Facebook to Meta
It's bad not to know your native language. In Hebrew, "meta" מתה (metah) means "dead"

- They say you can 3D print a woman?
- Yes, any, even Marilyn Monroe.
- What material?
- From any customer's material.

I don't understand why many people do not want to wear masks. For some, this is just a chance to get married.

- But if you had everything: money, fame, houses, cars, the attention of beautiful women, what would you be most afraid of?
- Wake up

Fuel is so expensive that it will soon be cheaper to buy methamphetamine and run everywhere.

The girl tries to fight off the harassment of her boyfriend:
- Not now, dear, only after the wedding!
- Wow! I bought a car - and then there was a test drive. Why are you better?

The napkin looked closely at the psychologist and said:
- As it turns out, we are colleagues.