Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
A Russian and an American went to hell, Satan asks them:
- Well, what kind of hell do you want, Russian or American?
American:
— What is different?
Satan:
- Well, in American hell you have to eat a bucket of shit a day and do what you want, but in Russian - 2 buckets of shit.
- Well, I'll go to the American one, there is less shit there.
- And I'm Russian, I've lived in Russia all my life, which means you have to go to Russian hell.
A month passes, a Russian and an American meet, the Russian asks:
- Well, how are you in American hell?
- It's okay, I eat a bucket of shit a day and everything is in order, but how are you?
- Here as in real Russia, sometimes they won't have enough shit for us, in next time there aren't enough buckets for everyone.
- Well, what kind of hell do you want, Russian or American?
American:
— What is different?
Satan:
- Well, in American hell you have to eat a bucket of shit a day and do what you want, but in Russian - 2 buckets of shit.
- Well, I'll go to the American one, there is less shit there.
- And I'm Russian, I've lived in Russia all my life, which means you have to go to Russian hell.
A month passes, a Russian and an American meet, the Russian asks:
- Well, how are you in American hell?
- It's okay, I eat a bucket of shit a day and everything is in order, but how are you?
- Here as in real Russia, sometimes they won't have enough shit for us, in next time there aren't enough buckets for everyone.
Women's breasts, in general, are divided into only 2 sizes: "there are boobs - you don't need mind" and "there are no boobs, but you hold on."
- Dear, give me money!
- I'm not giving it!
- Are you crazy? Yes, then you will not see my crotch for another month!
- Well, and you are still offended when I call you a woman of easy virtue.
- I'm not giving it!
- Are you crazy? Yes, then you will not see my crotch for another month!
- Well, and you are still offended when I call you a woman of easy virtue.
Forensic science is a science that studies criminals-losers. Well, those who got caught.
The science that studies successful criminals is called political science.
The science that studies successful criminals is called political science.
- Honey, on the first date you were so sweet, cheerful and good-natured, and now you are twisting ropes out of me.
- So I wanted you to like me, and then I found out that you are in love with me ...
- So I wanted you to like me, and then I found out that you are in love with me ...
How unfair life is!
- Some kind of goat fucks someone else's wife, and the horns grow on a completely innocent person !!!
- Some kind of goat fucks someone else's wife, and the horns grow on a completely innocent person !!!
- What is the difference between Election Day and Thanksgiving?
- On Thanksgiving you get a turkey for the day at lunch, and on Election Day you get a turkey for four years
- On Thanksgiving you get a turkey for the day at lunch, and on Election Day you get a turkey for four years
- Son, why did you get a tattoo?
- To emphasize YOUR individuality. Dad... well, EVERYONE does it now...
- To emphasize YOUR individuality. Dad... well, EVERYONE does it now...
- As a child, I dreamed of becoming an astronaut, flying to other planets.
- And now?
- The dream remains, I want to dump anywhere.
- And now?
- The dream remains, I want to dump anywhere.
- A Jew sends an e-mail to relatives in Israel: "Where have you disappeared to??? They even sell carrots from Israel here, but you can't write two words?!"
Answer: "We are busy loading carrots!"
Answer: "We are busy loading carrots!"
- We have to look positively into the future!
- Is it even more disgusting to live in the present like that?
- Is it even more disgusting to live in the present like that?
A psychologist is a specialist who, for a lot of money, proves to a person who comes to him with problems that in fact he has no problems.
The attending physician to the patient:
You have two tasks. Accurately follow all our recommendations and live to the end of the treatment.
You have two tasks. Accurately follow all our recommendations and live to the end of the treatment.
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