Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
"Thirteen glasses of water, please!", Jesus said to the barman, winking at the others...
Latest Jokes
Apple makes life so easy for users that it can painlessly reshape the gyrus of the average American without surgery.
They say that tampons were invented by a female gynecologist. It is also said that when her first tampon failed, she invented the corkscrew.
One of the central ideas of Ukraine is to lie to yourself and others as much as possible. Because if you tell the truth, everything will collapse and you have to come up with something else.
Here we have a basic, unbalanced contradiction.
Here we have a basic, unbalanced contradiction.
- Ministry of Emergency Situations WARNING!!! Abnormal frosts will come to the European part of Russia! The temperature will drop to -15!!!
- The Germans in the winter of 41-42 near Moscow DREAMED about such, "Abnormal" Russian frosts ..
- The Germans in the winter of 41-42 near Moscow DREAMED about such, "Abnormal" Russian frosts ..
But the time is not far off when naturalized football players from Europe will be taken to the African teams. Who will try their best to cling to life in prosperous countries of the world ...
Deputy from Latvia Alexander Kirshteins made a historical sensation that refutes the entire history of Russia and Russian culture.
"There is no such Russian nation. The Russian language itself emerged as a dialect when the Mongol-Tatars tried to speak Ukrainian," he said.
"There is no such Russian nation. The Russian language itself emerged as a dialect when the Mongol-Tatars tried to speak Ukrainian," he said.
- But is the coronavirus an epidemic or a policy?
- This is a religion: whether you believe in it or not, you must follow the rituals.
- This is a religion: whether you believe in it or not, you must follow the rituals.
A Jew comes to a brothel and asks his mother:
- Do you have girls practicing Jewish sex?
Ta is confused, but not wanting to miss the client:
- Yes, there is, of course, come in, get settled, I'm right now.
Runs to the girls, asks:
- Girls, quickly, quickly, who knows Jewish sex?
- Yes, we don't know ... - in unison.
- Okay, Magda, you are the most experienced - go ahead, come up with something, do not miss the client!
Magda takes the Jewish dad to her room, closes the door and says:
"Listen, papa, I'm telling you in my heart that no one here knows Jewish sex." Let's do this: you quickly explain to me what it is - and I'll give you a discount, 25%. A?
Hebrew:
- Well, in, here we are already doing it!
- Do you have girls practicing Jewish sex?
Ta is confused, but not wanting to miss the client:
- Yes, there is, of course, come in, get settled, I'm right now.
Runs to the girls, asks:
- Girls, quickly, quickly, who knows Jewish sex?
- Yes, we don't know ... - in unison.
- Okay, Magda, you are the most experienced - go ahead, come up with something, do not miss the client!
Magda takes the Jewish dad to her room, closes the door and says:
"Listen, papa, I'm telling you in my heart that no one here knows Jewish sex." Let's do this: you quickly explain to me what it is - and I'll give you a discount, 25%. A?
Hebrew:
- Well, in, here we are already doing it!
A European asked on a Canadian forum why so few Canadians are interested in football. Answer:
We'd love to watch, but with a few rule changes:
- The field is too large, and the activity is only in a small area. Need to be reduced.
- There are too many players, again only a small number are active at a time. Limit to three forwards, two defenders, and a goalkeeper.
- Too many pauses. Give players the right to change the composition of teams on the field without restrictions.
Again, too many pauses. Reduce the number of punishable violations, and as a result, the termination of the game. Simulators should be met with a whistle, not yellow cards.
- Goals are scored too easily one-on-one with the goalkeeper. Reduce gate.
- Fill with ice.
We'd love to watch, but with a few rule changes:
- The field is too large, and the activity is only in a small area. Need to be reduced.
- There are too many players, again only a small number are active at a time. Limit to three forwards, two defenders, and a goalkeeper.
- Too many pauses. Give players the right to change the composition of teams on the field without restrictions.
Again, too many pauses. Reduce the number of punishable violations, and as a result, the termination of the game. Simulators should be met with a whistle, not yellow cards.
- Goals are scored too easily one-on-one with the goalkeeper. Reduce gate.
- Fill with ice.
- Hello, I'm here for an interview.
- Great, do you have any experience?
- Yes, this is my 20th interview.
- Great, do you have any experience?
- Yes, this is my 20th interview.
A man walks across the field and meets a shepherd. She approaches him and asks:
- Listen, how many sheep do you eat a day?
- What are white or black?
- Well, white one.
- 1 kg per day.
- What about the black ones?
- Also 1 kg per day.
- And how many furs do they give you a day?
- What are white or black?
- Well, black.
- 2 kg per day.
- What about the whites?
- Also 2 kg per day.
- Listen, why do you divide them into white and black?
- The white ones are mine.
- What about the black ones?
- Also mine.
- Listen, how many sheep do you eat a day?
- What are white or black?
- Well, white one.
- 1 kg per day.
- What about the black ones?
- Also 1 kg per day.
- And how many furs do they give you a day?
- What are white or black?
- Well, black.
- 2 kg per day.
- What about the whites?
- Also 2 kg per day.
- Listen, why do you divide them into white and black?
- The white ones are mine.
- What about the black ones?
- Also mine.
- Daughter, John asks for your hand. What do you say about it?
- What will I say? I will say: "Finally!".
- What will I say? I will say: "Finally!".
- The 'Green Party' is called so because they are for ecology and love nature?
- No, because they love dollars!
- No, because they love dollars!
Football referee in a hurry climbed into the wrong pocket and showed the player a condom instead of a yellow card. Until the end of the match, no one else dared to break the rules.
A paid proctologist was asked: is it really pleasant for you to look at that same hole every day?
- It's neutral on the hole, but then it's very nice to look at your bank account.
- It's neutral on the hole, but then it's very nice to look at your bank account.
When Frederick the Great was inspecting the Berlin prison, all the prisoners swore that they were innocent, and only one admitted that he was in jail for robbery. What can you do? Friedrich ordered that this robber be immediately thrown out of prison, so that he would not have a bad influence on the decent people who had gathered here.
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