Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
He says to the man next to him: "All lawyers are assholes"
The man replies: "Hey I resent that"
Startled, the first man says: "Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?"
The man replies: "No, "I'm an asshole!"
EDITED: to appease a grammar asshole
The man replies: "Hey I resent that"
Startled, the first man says: "Oh I'm sorry, are you a lawyer?"
The man replies: "No, "I'm an asshole!"
EDITED: to appease a grammar asshole
Latest Jokes
- Are you sure you can be trusted with a secret?
- You can safely count on my sclerosis!
- You can safely count on my sclerosis!
Well, what serfdom? What are you talking about? 21st century in the yard. Our future is digital. Slavery.
- So, newlyweds, do you swear to always protect, respect and support each other - in sickness and health, wealth and poverty, to be faithful to each other until death do you part?
- Yes
- Yes
- And now let the newlyweds exchange phone passwords!
- No, what are you?! We only agreed to exchange rings!
- Yes
- Yes
- And now let the newlyweds exchange phone passwords!
- No, what are you?! We only agreed to exchange rings!
In the 90s, programs that leaked data from a computer were considered Trojans. Now this is called "gather statistics" and is done on every smartphone.
Football, 1994:
- The players play so clumsily as if it were a computer toy!
2022 World Cup final:
- Perfect goals. Is this a video game or real football?!
- The players play so clumsily as if it were a computer toy!
2022 World Cup final:
- Perfect goals. Is this a video game or real football?!
- Rabinovich, could you marry a divorced woman?
- No...
- And why? Maybe she's a good woman, just an ex - asshole?
- Young man... Good women are not abandoned...
- And if the husband is an asshole?
- And if the beater, after all, is an asshole, then what kind of fool should she be, to marry him?
- No...
- And why? Maybe she's a good woman, just an ex - asshole?
- Young man... Good women are not abandoned...
- And if the husband is an asshole?
- And if the beater, after all, is an asshole, then what kind of fool should she be, to marry him?
- Mom, does Santa Claus put gifts under every Christmas tree?
- Yes, Abram, for each one!
- Mom, why do we put up only one Christmas tree?
- Yes, Abram, for each one!
- Mom, why do we put up only one Christmas tree?
Tell me, grandfather, what's the difference between a woman before you married her and after?
- You are in a dental chair and you look at the beautiful girl of the dentist - this is the wife before the wedding. When a girl dentist drills a tooth without anesthesia, then this is (unlucky) wife in the present tense.
- You are in a dental chair and you look at the beautiful girl of the dentist - this is the wife before the wedding. When a girl dentist drills a tooth without anesthesia, then this is (unlucky) wife in the present tense.
"Armenian Radio" is asked:
- How to create Heaven on Earth?
"Armenian Radio" answers:
- To do this, it is enough to create Hell in a separate place. Then in other places people will feel like in Paradise.
- How to create Heaven on Earth?
"Armenian Radio" answers:
- To do this, it is enough to create Hell in a separate place. Then in other places people will feel like in Paradise.
- I wonder if we are alone in this universe?
- Of course, who will live next to such morons.
- Of course, who will live next to such morons.
Personally, I have reached such a level of income that I can afford not to work. But, only on Sundays.
Doctor to patient:
- Do you smoke?
- Yes!
- Are you drinking?
- Yes!
- Well, what do you want after this?
- A woman!
- Do you smoke?
- Yes!
- Are you drinking?
- Yes!
- Well, what do you want after this?
- A woman!
Izya fell in love with Sonya because she was slender and silent. And only after the wedding, Izya realized that Sonya could not both speak and draw in her stomach at the same time.
A woman can have sex with anyone, but she chooses a man who is somehow different from the others as her partner. With this, she subconsciously wants to justify herself to herself that she chose the best, and it seems that she is not completely dissolute. This gives her an excuse not to have sex with everyone. A man, in order not to have sex with everyone, chooses ... Oh, it seems I turned down here.
If someone calls you, say that your battery is low. This helps you get to the bottom of things right away.
Having a husband is really cool because you always have someone to gossip with and he won't tell anyone because he never listens to you at all.
Announcement: Bought tickets for the 2022 FIFA World Cup Final but didn't see that the game falls on the scheduled wedding day...
If someone wants, on December 18 at 18:00, the Central Registry Office, the bride's name is Nataly.
If someone wants, on December 18 at 18:00, the Central Registry Office, the bride's name is Nataly.
The Lord God appears to Putin and says - ask what you want, I will do it! but keep in mind - Europe will have twice as much!
Putin - I want half a meter of snow on all roads!
Putin - I want half a meter of snow on all roads!
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