Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
Q: What did the snowman and his wife put over
their
baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
their
baby's crib? A: A snowmobile!
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your
toilet?
Wait until he's finished.
toilet?
Wait until he's finished.
A old snake goes to see
his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in
2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor
he's very
depressed.
Doc says, "What's the
problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just
discovered I've been living with a
water hose the past 2 years!"
his Doctor.
"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days".
The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in
2 weeks.
The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor
he's very
depressed.
Doc says, "What's the
problem...didn't the glasses help you?"
"The glasses are fine doc, I just
discovered I've been living with a
water hose the past 2 years!"
There where two snakes talking.
The 1st
one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves
around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we
the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are
poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
The 1st
one said 'Sidney, are we the type of snakes who wrap ourselves
around our prey and squeeze and crush until they're dead? Or are we
the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are
poisioned?'.
Then the second Snake says "Why do you ask?"
The 1st one replies: "I just bit my lip!"
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is
4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with
the hard one!
4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair!
You answer the easy ones and leave us with
the hard one!
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: I
lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best
teacher in
the school
Pupil: I
lost it fighting this kid who said you weren't the best
teacher in
the school
Teacher: Why
does the statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
does the statue of liberty
stand in New York harbour?
Pupil: Because it can't sit down!
Teacher: Who can tell me where
Hadrians Wall
is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
Hadrians Wall
is?
Pupil: I expect it's around Hadrian's garden miss!
Teacher: What's 2 and 2?
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
Pupil:
4
Teacher: That's good.
Pupil: Good?, that's perfect!
A
software manager, a hardware manager,
and a marketing manager are driving
to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the
problem.
The software
manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a
hardware
problem."
The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car
off and on
again, it would fix itself."
The marketing
manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship
it!"
software manager, a hardware manager,
and a marketing manager are driving
to a meeting when a tire blows.
They get out of the car and look at the
problem.
The software
manager says, "I can't do anything about this - it's a
hardware
problem."
The hardware manager says, "Maybe if we turned the car
off and on
again, it would fix itself."
The marketing
manager says, "Hey, 75% of it is working - let's ship
it!"
Two shoe salespeople were
sent to Africa
to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one
salesperson
called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next
flight.
Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the
other salesperson sent an email to the factory,
telling "The
prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
sent to Africa
to open up new markets. Three days after arriving, one
salesperson
called the office and said, "I'm returning on the next
flight.
Can't sell shoes here. Everybody goes barefoot."
At the same time the
other salesperson sent an email to the factory,
telling "The
prospects are unlimited. Nobody wears shoes here!"
A salesman was
demonstrating unbreakable
combs in a department store. He was impressing the
people who
stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of
torture and
stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he
bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a
beat, he bravely held up both halves of the
'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
demonstrating unbreakable
combs in a department store. He was impressing the
people who
stopped by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of
torture and
stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he
bent the comb
completely in half, and it snapped with a loud crack.
Without missing a
beat, he bravely held up both halves of the
'unbreakable' comb for
everyone to see and said, "And this, ladies and
gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
How do salespeople traditionally greet each
other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
other?
"Hi. Nice to meet you. I'm better than you."
A salesman walking along the beach found a
bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
Satan
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as
well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
assured
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
just
received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I've
always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
for transplant."
bottle. When he rubbed it, lo and behold, a genie appeared.
"I will
grant you three wishes," announced the genie. "But since
Satan
still hates me, for every wish you make, your rival gets the wish as
well -- only double."
The salesman thought about this for a while.
"For my first wish, I
would like ten million dollars," he
announced.
Instantly the genie gave him a Swiss bank account number and
assured
the man that $10,000,000 had been deposited. "But your rival has
just
received $20,000,000," the genie said.
"I've
always wanted a Ferrari," the salesman said.
Instantly a Ferrari
appeared. "But your rival has just received two
Ferraris," the genie said.
"And what is your last wish?"
"Well," said the salesman, "I've
always wanted to donate a kidney
for transplant."
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