Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
I had a tip that Shaunae Miller was going to take a dive in the 400 meter race. That's not what I though her trainer meant.
Latest Jokes
Father and son standing outside the elephant's
cage in the Moscow
Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here
long enough, one of them
will throw some food at us."
cage in the Moscow
Zoo. Father tells son, "If we stand around here
long enough, one of them
will throw some food at us."
The manager of a large city
zoo was drafting a
letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his
computer and typed
the following sentence: "I would like to place an
order for two
mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared
at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he
deleted
the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I
would
like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your
earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time
focusing on the new word,
which seemed just as odd as the original
one. Finally, he deleted the whole
sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo
should be without a mongoose," he
typed. "Please send us two of
them."
zoo was drafting a
letter to order a pair of animals. He sat at his
computer and typed
the following sentence: "I would like to place an
order for two
mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
He stared
at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he
deleted
the word and added another, so that the sentence now read: "I
would
like to place an order for two mongeese, to be delivered at your
earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time
focusing on the new word,
which seemed just as odd as the original
one. Finally, he deleted the whole
sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo
should be without a mongoose," he
typed. "Please send us two of
them."
One day the zookeeper noticed that the orang-utang
was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In
surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those
books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was
my
brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
was reading two books -- the Bible and Darwin's Origin of Species.
In
surprise he asked the ape, "Why are you reading both those
books"?
"Well," said the orang-utang, "I just wanted to know if I was
my
brother's keeper or my keeper's brother."
A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the
zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a
ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the
zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence
was forty
feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
kangaroo, "How high
do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said,
"About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the
gate at night!"
zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a
ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the
zoo. A
twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he go out. When the fence
was forty
feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the
kangaroo, "How high
do you think they'll go?"
The kangaroo said,
"About a thousand feet, unless somebody locks the
gate at night!"
Yo mama so poor she was in
K-Mart with a
box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said,
"Buying
luggage."
K-Mart with a
box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said,
"Buying
luggage."
Yo mama so poor when I saw her kicking a can
down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said
"Moving."
down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said
"Moving."
Q: How many Aquarians
does it take to change
a lightbulb? A: A hundred, but they'll all be
competing to be the
one to change the bulb and bring light to the
world.
does it take to change
a lightbulb? A: A hundred, but they'll all be
competing to be the
one to change the bulb and bring light to the
world.
Q: How many Aquarians does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: Well, you
have to remember that everything is energy
so...
lightbulb? A: Well, you
have to remember that everything is energy
so...
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs.
(*smash*)
lightbulb? A: Only one Arian, but an awful lot of light bulbs.
(*smash*)
Q: How
many Arians does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: None: Arians aren't
afraid of the dark.
many Arians does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: None: Arians aren't
afraid of the dark.
Q: How many Arians does it take to change a
lightbulb? A: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
lightbulb? A: Just the one. You want to make something of it, eh?
What's worse than a
Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
Male Chauvinist Pig?
- A woman that won't do what she's told.
If your dog is
barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who
do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.
barking at the back door and
your wife is yelling at the front door, who
do you let in first?
- The dog. He'll shut up once you let him in.
How do you
fix a woman's watch?
- It
doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.
fix a woman's watch?
- It
doesn't matter. There is a clock on the oven.
How do you know when a
woman is about to say
something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once
told me..."
woman is about to say
something smart?
- She starts her sentence with "A man once
told me..."
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
- It allows them to stand closer to the sink.
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