Jokes Collection
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Latest Jokes
You
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus
works on
the honor system.
Please delete all the files on
your hard drive, and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your
mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
have just received the "Kentucky
Virus"!!!
As we ain't got no programin' experience, this here Virus
works on
the honor system.
Please delete all the files on
your hard drive, and manually forward
this virus to everyone on your
mailing list.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Q: How many Microsoft support
staff does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the
registration number of the light
bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried
rebooting it?", another to ask "Have
you tried reinstalling it?" and
the last one to say "It must be your
hardware because the light bulb
in our office works fine..."
staff does
it take to change a light bulb?
A: Four. One to ask "What is the
registration number of the light
bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried
rebooting it?", another to ask "Have
you tried reinstalling it?" and
the last one to say "It must be your
hardware because the light bulb
in our office works fine..."
Q:
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation
and have therefore made no
provision for light bulbs to be
removed.
How many Microsoft executives does it
take to change a light bulb?
A: We can see no need for uninstallation
and have therefore made no
provision for light bulbs to be
removed.
Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to
change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world
revolve around him.
change a light bulb?
A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world
revolve around him.
A programmer was walking along the beach when
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most
powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any
wish you want, but only one
wish."
The programmer pulled out a
map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a
just and last peace among the people in the
middle east."
The
genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been
fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this
is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a
programmer and my programs
have a lot of users. Please make all the
users satisfied with my programs,
and let them ask sensible
changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
he found a lamp.
Upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated
"I am the most
powerful genie in the world. I can grant you any
wish you want, but only one
wish."
The programmer pulled out a
map of the Mediterranean area and said
"I'd like there to be a
just and last peace among the people in the
middle east."
The
genie responded, "Gee, I don't know. Those people have been
fighting since the beginning of time. I can do just about anything, but this
is beyond my limits."
The programmer then said, "Well, I am a
programmer and my programs
have a lot of users. Please make all the
users satisfied with my programs,
and let them ask sensible
changes"
Genie: "Uh, let me see that map again."
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished
converting all the months on all the
company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months:
Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of
the week, and they are now:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any
other Y to K? I am a fan of the
New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K
ready?
I hope I haven't misunderstood
your instructions. Because to be
honest, boss, none of this Y to K
dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished
converting all the months on all the
company calendars so that the
year 2000 is ready to go with the following
improved months:
Januark, Februark, Mak, Julk.
In addition, I have changed the days of
the week, and they are now:
Sundak, Mondak, Tuesdak, Wednesdak,
Thursdak, Fridak and Saturdak.
Is it enough, or should I change any
other Y to K? I am a fan of the
New York Yankees. Should I call
them New Kork Kankees in order to be Y2K
ready?
There was once a
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer.
When
asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
young man who, in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great
writer.
When
asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole
world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
There was once a young man who,
in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to
define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world
will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
in his
youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to
define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that
the whole world
will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional
level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and
anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If Bill Gates had a dime for every time a
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
Windows box crashed...
Oh, wait a minute, he already does.
"Will I ever be able to race my
horse again" the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly
will, and you'll probably beat her
too!"
horse again" the owner asked the vet.
The vet replied, "You certainly
will, and you'll probably beat her
too!"
A couple have not
been
getting along for years, so the husband thinks,
"I'll buy my wife a
cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her
disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this
time he
doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a
birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"
been
getting along for years, so the husband thinks,
"I'll buy my wife a
cemetery plot for her birthday."
Well, you can imagine her
disappointment.
The next year, her birthday rolls around again and this
time he
doesn't get her anything.
She says, "Why didn't you get me a
birthday present!?"
He replies, "You didn't use what I got you last
year!"
After my wife and her former best
buddy, another
Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted
one
husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief
means
of communication. When our phone
bills showed astronomical
increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief. Since we both
owned computers, we
encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,
then call back to confirm that it
arrived and have a
conversation about the contents!
buddy, another
Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted
one
husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief
means
of communication. When our phone
bills showed astronomical
increases, the other spouse and I sought
relief. Since we both
owned computers, we
encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent,
then call back to confirm that it
arrived and have a
conversation about the contents!
The desk
sergeant answered
the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've
got to help
me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's
pulling
apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the
apples?"
the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you
wouldn't believe me!"
sergeant answered
the phone, and at once a woman began screaming. "You've
got to help
me! There's a giant gray thing in my yard, and it's
pulling
apples off the tree with its tail!" "What's he doing with the
apples?"
the sergeant asked. "If I told you," the woman cried, "you
wouldn't believe me!"
An Englishman,
Frenchman,
Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane
when
the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having
mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is
for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can
survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman
takes a deep
breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and
jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and
he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers
"Remember the Alamo" and
he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of
the plane.
Frenchman,
Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane
when
the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We're having
mechanical problems and the only way we can make it to the next airport is
for 3 of you to open the door and jump, at least one of you can
survive"
The four open the door and look out below. The Englishman
takes a deep
breath and hollers "God Save The Queen" and
jumps.
The Frenchman gets really inspired and hollers "Viva La France" and
he also jumps.
This really pumps up the Texan so he hollers
"Remember the Alamo" and
he grabs the Mexican and throws him out of
the plane.
Sherlock Holmes and Matthew
Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were
lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up.
What do
you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we
will have another nice day tomorrow. What
does it mean to you,
Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were
lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up.
What do
you see?
"Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that mean to you?"
"Well, I guess it means we
will have another nice day tomorrow. What
does it mean to you,
Holmes?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
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