Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
How many
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document
number GC7500439-001,
Multitasking Incadescent Source System
Facility, of which 10% of the
pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank".
IBM employees does it take to
change a light bulb?
Fifteen. Five to do it, and ten to write document
number GC7500439-001,
Multitasking Incadescent Source System
Facility, of which 10% of the
pages state only "This page intentionally
left blank".
How many Java programmers does it take to
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the
socket.
change a light bulb?
One, to generate a "ChangeLightBulb" event to the
socket.
How many C++ programmers does it take to
change a light
bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly
designed light bulb
object would inherit a change method from a
generic light bulb
class!"
change a light
bulb?
"You're still thinking procedurally! A properly
designed light bulb
object would inherit a change method from a
generic light bulb
class!"
How many maintenance programmers does it take
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old
one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying
to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?"
to change a light bulb?
None. They try to fix the old
one.
"We looked at the light fixture and decided there's no point trying
to maintain it. We're going to rewrite it from scratch. Could you wait
two months?"
A software verifier read in the Bible
that
God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He
jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain,
and happily thinks: "I never really considered myself a fool, but I
never knew I was THAT clever!"
that
God protects all fools, and decided to test it empirically. He
jumped out of the window and broke a leg. There he lies, writhing in pain,
and happily thinks: "I never really considered myself a fool, but I
never knew I was THAT clever!"
The problem
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem with
mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
problems in order to get
results.
The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to
cheat at toy
problems in order to get results.
with physicists is that they
tend to cheat in order to get results.
The problem with
mathematicians is that they tend to work on toy
problems in order to get
results.
The problem with program verifiers is that they tend to
cheat at toy
problems in order to get results.
The programmer to his son: "Here, I brought
you a new
basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's
guide?"
you a new
basketball."
"Thank you, daddy, but where is the user's
guide?"
They say that the new super computer
knows
everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is
my father?"
The computer bleeped for a short while, and then
came back with "Your
father is fishing in Michigan."
The
skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was
nonsense. My
father has been dead for twenty years."
"No", replied the super
computer immediately. "Your mother's
husband has been dead for
twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound
trout."
knows
everything. A skeptical man came and asked the computer, "Where is
my father?"
The computer bleeped for a short while, and then
came back with "Your
father is fishing in Michigan."
The
skeptical man said triumphantly, "You see? I knew this was
nonsense. My
father has been dead for twenty years."
"No", replied the super
computer immediately. "Your mother's
husband has been dead for
twenty years. Your father just landed a three pound
trout."
The boy is smoking and
leaving smoke rings
into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her
lover: "Can't
you see the warning written on the cigarettes
packet, smoking is
injurious to health!"
The boy replies back:
"Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry
about warnings, we only
worry about errors."
leaving smoke rings
into the air.
The girl gets irritated with the smoke and says to her
lover: "Can't
you see the warning written on the cigarettes
packet, smoking is
injurious to health!"
The boy replies back:
"Darling, I am a programmer. We don't worry
about warnings, we only
worry about errors."
Once a programmer drowned in the sea.
Many
Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was
shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
Many
Marines where at that time on the beach, but the programmer was
shouting "F1 F1" and nobody understood it.
A
system programmer came home from work
almost at dawn and told his wife
enthusiastically: "Tonight I have
installed a new release of MVS/ESA
together with VM/CMS and
CICS/VS".
"G.O.O.D" answered his wife.
system programmer came home from work
almost at dawn and told his wife
enthusiastically: "Tonight I have
installed a new release of MVS/ESA
together with VM/CMS and
CICS/VS".
"G.O.O.D" answered his wife.
How do you keep a programmer in the shower
all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse,
repeat."
all day?
Give him a bottle of shampoo which says "lather, rinse,
repeat."
Why do programmers always get Christmas and
Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
Halloween mixed up?
Because DEC 25 = OCT 31
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