Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
How did the Mother Banana
spoil the Baby
Banana?
She left him out in the sun too long.
spoil the Baby
Banana?
She left him out in the sun too long.
Why did the man lose his job in a fruit packing
firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
firm?
He kept throwing the bent bananas away.
They're not going to grow bananas any
longer.
Really?
Why not?
Because they're long enough
already.
longer.
Really?
Why not?
Because they're long enough
already.
How can you tell the difference between a
monster and a banana?
Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either
a monster or a giant
banana.
monster and a banana?
Try picking it up. If you can't, it's either
a monster or a giant
banana.
"I've never flown before, said the
nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't
you?
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left
anyone up there yet!"
nervous old lady to the pilot. "You will bring me down safely, won't
you?
"All I can say ma'am," said the pilot, "is that I've never left
anyone up there yet!"
After an overnight flight to meet my father
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main
Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all
under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief,
''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children
and this luggage
belong to you?''
''Yes, sir,'' my
mother said with a sigh, ''they're all
mine.''
The
customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?''
''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I
would have used them by now.''
at
his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main
Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all
under age 11.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped
customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief,
''Ma'am,'' he said, ''do all these children
and this luggage
belong to you?''
''Yes, sir,'' my
mother said with a sigh, ''they're all
mine.''
The
customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any
weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?''
''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I
would have used them by now.''
Once as Laloo was coming out of airport,
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, "Wait Please."
To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.
there was huge rush
and the security guard told him, "Wait Please."
To which Laloo replied, "65 kgs," and moved on.
Stewardess"
"Yes, Sir?" "I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the same seat, I
can't see the in-flight movie and there are
no windows blinds so I
can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the
plane."
"Yes, Sir?" "I want to
complain about this airline. Every time I
fly, I get the same seat, I
can't see the in-flight movie and there are
no windows blinds so I
can't sleep." "Captain, shut up and land the
plane."
A woman called and said, "I need to fly to
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to
fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever."
Pepsi-Cola
on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to
fly to
Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah,
whatever."
A small twin-prop
commuter plane was
hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who
vowed to kill one
of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions.
There were
two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast
geneticist.
The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they
shouldn't
be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1
minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are
model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and
finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the
hijacker in
tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist
who said,
"let me explain to you why yeast genetics is an important
discipline..." but he was interrupted by the microbiologist who
exclaimed "Shoot
me! Shoot me!"
commuter plane was
hijacked by a desperate animal rights extremist who
vowed to kill one
of the passengers to demonstrate his serious intentions.
There were
two passengers present, a microbiologist and a yeast
geneticist.
The hijacker gave each one two minutes to explain why they
shouldn't
be killed. The microbiologist (who studied bacteria) talked for 1
minute 59 seconds explaining that he studies bacteria, bacteria are
model organisms for the study of genetics and physiology etc. etc. and
finished with an emotional, bacteria-laden plea which had the
hijacker in
tears. When he was done, they turned to the yeast geneticist
who said,
"let me explain to you why yeast genetics is an important
discipline..." but he was interrupted by the microbiologist who
exclaimed "Shoot
me! Shoot me!"
A husband suspects his wife is having an
affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the
husband
just knew when his wife said:
"Honey, I've told you
once, I've told you twice, I've told you
niner thousand times,
negative on the affair ..."
affair with a pilot, but she keeps denying it--until finally the
husband
just knew when his wife said:
"Honey, I've told you
once, I've told you twice, I've told you
niner thousand times,
negative on the affair ..."
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