Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
One posh one says "I'm taking vitamin A, as I want my baby to have strong bones and teeth". The other posh one says "I'm taking vitamin C, as I want my baby to have a good constitution and good heart". The chavvy one says "I'm taking Thalidomide cos I can't knit arms".
Latest Jokes
A
scoutmaster asked one of his troop what
good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum
had only one dose of castor oil
left, so I let my baby brother have
it."
scoutmaster asked one of his troop what
good deed he had done for the day.
"Well, Skip," said the scout, "Mum
had only one dose of castor oil
left, so I let my baby brother have
it."
Doctor, doctor, my
baby's swallowed a watch!
Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.
baby's swallowed a watch!
Give it some Epsom Salts: that should help it pass the time.
Daddy,
daddy, can I have another glass of
water, please?
But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight!
Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.
daddy, can I have another glass of
water, please?
But that's the tenth one I've given you tonight!
Yes, but the baby's bedroom is still on fire.
Mum, are the Smiths very poor people?
I
don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss
when their baby swallowed a coin
I
don't think so, Jimmy. Why do you ask?
Because they made such a fuss
when their baby swallowed a coin
Did you hear about Mrs Dimwit's new baby? She
thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor
because
it was a horrible yeller.
thought babies should be pink, so she took this one to the doctor
because
it was a horrible yeller.
It can't go on! It can't go on!
What can't
go on?
This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.
What can't
go on?
This baby's vest ? it's too small for me.
Why did you drop the
baby?
Well, Mrs
Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see
if he
did.
baby?
Well, Mrs
Smith said he was a bonny bouncing baby, so I wanted to see
if he
did.
What is a baby: A soft pink thing that makes a
lot of noise at one end
and has no sense of responsibility at the
other.
lot of noise at one end
and has no sense of responsibility at the
other.
My new baby is the image of his father.
Never
mind. just so long as he's healthy.
Never
mind. just so long as he's healthy.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Underwear.
Underwear who?
Underwear my baby is tonight?
Who's there?
Underwear.
Underwear who?
Underwear my baby is tonight?
Why did the vampire baby stop having baby food?
He wanted something to get his teeth into.
He wanted something to get his teeth into.
How did the witch almost lose her baby?
She
didn't take it far enough into the woods.
She
didn't take it far enough into the woods.
Which is the only day you are safe in a cannibal
village?
Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).
village?
Sitterdays (when they eat the baby-sitter instead).
What would you get if you crossed a new-born
snake
with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
snake
with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
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