Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
Nikolai bought a ticket to the railway station Dyatlovo. Driven. But on the road remained true to our network fighter with repeatability! Once I passed through Dyatlovo station. Second time. Third. Smiling out the window. Handle waves cottagers. I had to call the cops. What is morality? The railroad is not a work of aphorisms!
At an unsanctioned rally:
"Why are there so many policemen with rubber truncheons?"
"They're not cops. They're not clubs."
"Who's that?" What are they holding?"
"These are veterans with Scandinavian sticks."
"Why are there so many policemen with rubber truncheons?"
"They're not cops. They're not clubs."
"Who's that?" What are they holding?"
"These are veterans with Scandinavian sticks."
— Hello!
— I'm not repeating myself!
— What kind of relatives are you? Why did you bring this nice man to my reception? About what?
— I'm not repeating myself!
— Frankly, I'm a fan of your network aphorisms. I like your ion of phrases about banality.
— I'm not repeating myself!
— Oh, what an interesting case in medicine!
— I'm not repeating myself!
— What kind of relatives are you? Why did you bring this nice man to my reception? About what?
— I'm not repeating myself!
— Frankly, I'm a fan of your network aphorisms. I like your ion of phrases about banality.
— I'm not repeating myself!
— Oh, what an interesting case in medicine!
— You aforest network?
— Yeah.
— Real aphorist?
— Yeah.
— Prove it.
— I don't talk to anti-Semites!
— Yeah.
— Real aphorist?
— Yeah.
— Prove it.
— I don't talk to anti-Semites!
— Doctor! Help!
— What's wrong with You?
— I really want to listen to the final musical composition from the credits of the film Slumdog Millionaire.
— Oh, what a difficult case.
— What's wrong with You?
— I really want to listen to the final musical composition from the credits of the film Slumdog Millionaire.
— Oh, what a difficult case.
The state organization Post of Russia instructed to make a network 5G. From now on, every consumer around the clock GPS signal will be delivered by the postman.
— What bothers you more? The dried up Aral sea or the fate of the Internet as a war of money?
— I don't know. And then, and more.
— You can't. You need to decide for diagnosis. We learned how to diagnose...
— I am concerned about the fate of drugs as a war of money. I'll pretend to be a demotivator.
— But you will be accused of drug propaganda!
— Doctor, don't worry. I had a suspended sentence for advocating the draining of the Aral sea as a war of greed against humanity!
— I don't know. And then, and more.
— You can't. You need to decide for diagnosis. We learned how to diagnose...
— I am concerned about the fate of drugs as a war of money. I'll pretend to be a demotivator.
— But you will be accused of drug propaganda!
— Doctor, don't worry. I had a suspended sentence for advocating the draining of the Aral sea as a war of greed against humanity!
— Why do you deserve the Shnobel Prize?
— For opening a dialogue of a mentally unhealthy analog user with mentally incorrect functioning avatars of other users.
— But let me! Yesterday I interviewed a Nobel prize winner. He has the same wording!
— Yeah. It is. But my colleague forbids putting decadent demotivators with Joseph Goebells. And I demand a ban on political demotivators with Mikhail Gorbachev. Helps in two times more effectively. (Urmantsev)
— For opening a dialogue of a mentally unhealthy analog user with mentally incorrect functioning avatars of other users.
— But let me! Yesterday I interviewed a Nobel prize winner. He has the same wording!
— Yeah. It is. But my colleague forbids putting decadent demotivators with Joseph Goebells. And I demand a ban on political demotivators with Mikhail Gorbachev. Helps in two times more effectively. (Urmantsev)
— What did you get the Nobel prize for?
— For opening a dialogue of a mentally unhealthy analog user with mentally incorrect functioning avatars of other users.
— When did you first encounter this amazing phenomenon of the digital world? — When visiting the aphorism portal.
— Your recommendations to the neglected patients?
— They should not be allowed to put decadent pictures with Paul Joseph Goebbels. Helps. (Urmantsev)
— For opening a dialogue of a mentally unhealthy analog user with mentally incorrect functioning avatars of other users.
— When did you first encounter this amazing phenomenon of the digital world? — When visiting the aphorism portal.
— Your recommendations to the neglected patients?
— They should not be allowed to put decadent pictures with Paul Joseph Goebbels. Helps. (Urmantsev)
The chief physician tried to make the official website of the psychiatric hospital attractive for potential paid clients, optimistic for the contractors. But regular patients prevented him from doing so. (Urmantsev)
Albert Einstein Stole Serbian pants
From his wife's dresser.
Albert Einstein, here's the relative,
But it is not a laxative! (Urmantsev)
From his wife's dresser.
Albert Einstein, here's the relative,
But it is not a laxative! (Urmantsev)
— What do you remember about this client from Russia?
— At the first visit to the pedicure salon in his life, he asked for a strong anesthetic.
— At the first visit to the pedicure salon in his life, he asked for a strong anesthetic.
— Doctor, my stomach is rumbling like a truck engine.
— Very interesting case! What are you refueling with? Gasoline or diesel? (Urmantsev)
— Very interesting case! What are you refueling with? Gasoline or diesel? (Urmantsev)
— Why correct spelling mistakes?
— Excuse me, but that's an aphorism!
— Yes, it's my misspelled aphorism. But I will not correct.
— Why? I don't understand, why not fix it?
— Because we are on the network resource aphorisms!
— Oh, yeah. I have forgotten. Excuse me.
— Excuse me, but that's an aphorism!
— Yes, it's my misspelled aphorism. But I will not correct.
— Why? I don't understand, why not fix it?
— Because we are on the network resource aphorisms!
— Oh, yeah. I have forgotten. Excuse me.
— And you heard the neighbors of the 37 apartments have returned after a country holiday?
— I didn't. Where's my drill?
— I didn't. Where's my drill?
— What are you doing?
— I was slandered. The accuser splashed saliva shoes. I'll clean.
— Listen to life advice. You don't have to clean your shoes. Other people will notice you standing, leaning. They might think we're in some kind of trouble. Cost itself.
— Hey, slander's knee-deep!
— Listen to our recommendation. Can you go? Go!
— Hey, the slander's up to your waist. I have problems.
— We will always help you. Hold your hand. We'll get you to that corner. Where's your thanks?
— Hey! I'm in this filth up to my neck! I could drown!
— Who's guilty? You made this swamp! Sitting in mud up to your neck? The way to do it. So weak. Like-minded people, open another bottle of wine! There is a reason. (A. Yurkin)
— I was slandered. The accuser splashed saliva shoes. I'll clean.
— Listen to life advice. You don't have to clean your shoes. Other people will notice you standing, leaning. They might think we're in some kind of trouble. Cost itself.
— Hey, slander's knee-deep!
— Listen to our recommendation. Can you go? Go!
— Hey, the slander's up to your waist. I have problems.
— We will always help you. Hold your hand. We'll get you to that corner. Where's your thanks?
— Hey! I'm in this filth up to my neck! I could drown!
— Who's guilty? You made this swamp! Sitting in mud up to your neck? The way to do it. So weak. Like-minded people, open another bottle of wine! There is a reason. (A. Yurkin)
"You have no idea how stupid people are in the West. They drive in the car and their sunglasses fall off the dashboard. They catch them on the move. Hundreds of dead on roads and highways around the world! And know, that have come up with in Russia? We are the only country in the world where on a Sunny day the driver will not sit behind the wheel without... mouse pad! Here you say, it's easy! Only in Russia! That's our Russian man! Now you agree that Westerners will never understand the conversation of the Russian people? "Well, Vanya, the picnic is over. Get behind the wheel, let's go home" "No, Masha, wait, I lost my mouse pad somewhere!" (Laughter) (sketch By Anatoly Yurkin. For sale!)
— Why are you crying?
— Patterson punched me in the face!
— What? We know him well. Intelligent man. It can't be! How did this happen?
— I invited observers for money. I put on my Boxing gloves. Out in the ring. Was in every way to insult the family of Patterson. I told the judge in the ring that today I would become a champion. And it's time for Patterson to retire... Uncles, why didn't you say that Boxing is so painful?!
— Patterson punched me in the face!
— What? We know him well. Intelligent man. It can't be! How did this happen?
— I invited observers for money. I put on my Boxing gloves. Out in the ring. Was in every way to insult the family of Patterson. I told the judge in the ring that today I would become a champion. And it's time for Patterson to retire... Uncles, why didn't you say that Boxing is so painful?!
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