Jokes Collection

but on the bright side, I see just fine.

the biggest joke of all

I really hope I get the missionary position

...I'd have $0.77 cents.

So we can use black people as currency again

So I slapped her with velocity.

and cracks down his window as it's a nice day. He and the driver make some small talk, when the driver eventually asks,

"Is it true that blind people have a better sense of smell than the rest of us?"

"Of course it is!" the blind man exclaims. "I'll prove it to you."

"Alright," the driver says.

The blind man takes a deep breath then says, "There's a coffee shop on the corner of this block. And it seems like they're serving a lot of caramel today." Sure enough, the cab reaches the corner to find a coffee house. The sign out front reads, "Today's Special: Caramel Cappuccino."

The driver's eyebrows raise. "I'm impressed!" The blind man smirks, confident in his skill.

The taxi then stops in front of a flower shop, and the blind man inhales again.

"I can smell potted sunflowers, roses, daffodils, and bouquets of tulips," he says. The cab driver looks out and is surprised to see only those flowers lining the exterior of the shop.

"That's incredible, you're right again!" the driver says, then continues up the street after the light changes. "I told you I was good at this," the blind man says, smiling again.

The taxi drives around for a bit more, before it stops in front of a fish market. *This one's too easy,* the taxi driver thinks, wrinkling his nose. To his surprise, the blind man takes a big whiff of air, then leans his arm out of the window. In a deep, suave voice, he says, "Hello, ladies."

What do you think?

An itchy cock

To get away for North Korea's long range missiles.

.. I miss those days.

I swear, this joke has been copied and pasted a hundred times.


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Whenever I hear kids singing "do re mi" I picture Chris Hansen is hiding in the room somewhere.

I tell them, "you'll come around eventually!"

After 20 seconds he knocked again, but I just continued to ignore it. The knocks got louder and more frequent but I was determined not to move in the hope that he would just go away.

Then he decided to look through the window. He shouted, "Do you think I'm stupid? I can see you in there, ma'am. Open the door." I said, "You're not coming in!"

He said, "I don't want to come in, I just want you to step out of the car."

And I asked him if I could tell him a joke to cheer him up. He said sure but I don't think it will help. Here is how it went.

Me: Knock Knock

Him: Really dude a knock knock joke? Ok, who's there?

Me: Not your mom.

You can't jelly this dick in your mom's mouth

About six and a half books.

If you're going to use barbecue sauce, you need to know what you're doing.

...& says "Hey Gramps, can I take a puff of you're cigar?"

"Well young man, does your penis touch your asscheeks?" He replies

"Well no, why?"

"Well, then I'll have to say no."

A few days go by & the kid see's his Grandfather with a glass of beer

"Hey Gramps, can I have a sip of you're beer?"

"Well, does your penis touch your asscheeks yet my boy?"

"Still no gramps,"

"Well you already know the answer."

The kid walks away angrily, a few days go by & the grandfather see's his grandson with a big bowl of strawberries

"Hey boy, those look like some good strawberries. Can I have one?"

"Well Gramps, does your penis touch your asscheeks?"

"Well yes it does!" He replies

"Then go fuck yourself."

Edit: I fixed it I fixed it! No more sipping a cigar!