Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
"Houston, we have a problem."
"What is the problem?"
"Nothing."
"What is the nature of the problem?"
"Never mind, I'm fine, whatever."
"What is the problem?"
"Nothing."
"What is the nature of the problem?"
"Never mind, I'm fine, whatever."
The helicopter takes off. After 20 mins into the flight there is a constant beeping noise and the pilot seems to be in a panick
Pilot: *Shit, the helicopter is not able to take the weight. I'm unable to control it*
Hillary: *What do we do now?*
Pilot: *one person has to jump out*
Hillary and Trump start fighting saying how important each was and started calling names...when suddenly
Pilot: *Since you both are important, I have taken the decision to sacrifice myself*
Hillary and Trump start clapping and saying patriotic slogans
Pilot jumps with the parachute
Pilot: *Shit, the helicopter is not able to take the weight. I'm unable to control it*
Hillary: *What do we do now?*
Pilot: *one person has to jump out*
Hillary and Trump start fighting saying how important each was and started calling names...when suddenly
Pilot: *Since you both are important, I have taken the decision to sacrifice myself*
Hillary and Trump start clapping and saying patriotic slogans
Pilot jumps with the parachute
...wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river." So God turns her into a red head and she builds a boat and rows across the river. The third also prays "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined." So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.
After a stressful day, one man comes home and sits in his backyard, drinking a beer. As he's getting up to get a snack, he stops and asks, "Jesus, what is the meaning of life?"
To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, se?or, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."
To which Jesus replies,"You slave in the sun to support the ones you love. You make money so you can buy things for your family to keep them happy."
The man asks,"Jesus, why is life so hard?"
To which Jesus replies,"That, no one may ever know. You have to overcome many obstacles to be successful."
The man asks again,"How was the universe created?"
Jesus replies,"I'm sorry, se?or, but can you stop asking questions? I'm trying to mow your lawn."
Knowing well that they are drunk to their necks, the driver quickly goes around the block, stops and says they have arrived at the destination.
The 1st guy gets out, gives the money for the trip.
The second guy gets out, thanks the driver.
The third guy gets out, slaps the driver.
The driver is taken aback, but asks
*"what was that for!!?"*
*"Dude, control your speed next time!...hic...you nearly had us killed"*
The 1st guy gets out, gives the money for the trip.
The second guy gets out, thanks the driver.
The third guy gets out, slaps the driver.
The driver is taken aback, but asks
*"what was that for!!?"*
*"Dude, control your speed next time!...hic...you nearly had us killed"*
Three men went Las Vegas and after a losing their money at the blackjack tables, the best friends decided to stay off the strip in a not so lavish hotel and the guy that owned it had 18 daughters so the first man went up to they're father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "no but you can sleep with the pigs." the second man went to the father and said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said " no but you can sleep with the cows." the third man said "can I sleep with your 18 daughters?" the father said "yes." so in the morning the three men and the father had a conversation over breakfast the first man said "I slept like a pig" the second man said "I slept like a cow" the third man said "I felt like a golfer" the father asked why? he said cause I got my balls in 18 holes.
Because it was my brother's birthday, our mom wanted to do something special. She called his fraternity house and said she wanted to bring a cake. The young man who took the call was very excited. "Hey, Mrs. Schaeffer," he said, "that would be great!"
The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said 'keg.' "
The next day she drove to the fraternity and rang the doorbell. The same boy answered the door. When he saw the cake, his face fell. "Oh," he said, clearly disappointed. "I thought you said 'keg.' "
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