Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
Holy and I want to nail it.
My girlfriend and I are in a battle to see who can come up with the best your ass is (insert metaphor for how awesome it is). Any chance ya'll can help me win this shit?!
My girlfriend and I are in a battle to see who can come up with the best your ass is (insert metaphor for how awesome it is). Any chance ya'll can help me win this shit?!
Latest Jokes
Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states.
Husband comes home and finds wife naked in the bed.
Next to the bed is unknown man pants down.
Before husband says a word, unknown man shouts:
"Last time m'lady, If you do not pay the utility bill, I will pee on the floor.
Next to the bed is unknown man pants down.
Before husband says a word, unknown man shouts:
"Last time m'lady, If you do not pay the utility bill, I will pee on the floor.
What is the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until puberty to come on a kid's face.
How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS
...what was the question again?
One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS
...what was the question again?
to provide food for his kid's 18th birthday party. They exchange pleasantries and the father asks for authentic german meats food for his son's party.
"That would be about ten euros per guest for a lavish traditional meal," the butcher says. The father, who is celebrating not only his son's coming of age but his final child leaving the nest says that he is strapped for cash as well. He hands out a pocketful of euro coins and bills and drops it on the table, and asks what he can get with that.
"You can expect the wurst."
"That would be about ten euros per guest for a lavish traditional meal," the butcher says. The father, who is celebrating not only his son's coming of age but his final child leaving the nest says that he is strapped for cash as well. He hands out a pocketful of euro coins and bills and drops it on the table, and asks what he can get with that.
"You can expect the wurst."
The preschool teacher says, "We're going to do vocabulary today. Who can use the word 'definitely' in a sentence?"
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely shit my pants."
Mary raises her hand and exclaims, "Me me me!"
The teacher says, "Go ahead, what's the sentence?
Mary replies, "The sky is definitely blue."
"That's good, Mary," says the teacher, "but the sky can also be gray or white."
Sam raises his hand and states, "Grass is definitely green."
The teacher says, "That's good, Sam, but grass can be brown, too."
Little Johnny raises his hand and asks, "Do farts have lumps in them?"
The teacher says, "No Johnny, why do you ask that?"
Little Johnny replies, "Well, I definitely shit my pants."
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