Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
One day a man's watch was off. He walked by a farm and asked the farmer who was sitting by his bull if he knows the time. The farmer then grab the bulls balls raised them a bit lowered and then raised and said that the time is 10:57. When the man got back home he found out that the farmer was spot on. He went back to the farmer the next day asked for the time. The farmer raised the bulls balls and then said that the time was 9:41. He was right again. The next day the man asked the farmer how he knew the time. The farmer replied "Well, if I raise the bulls scrotum just the right enough I can see the village clock."
So a 5 year old boy is walking around in the air and space museum, but he doesn't seem to be having a good time. Naturally, his mom asks him what's bothering him, and he responds: "Mom, it's just too boeing."
... A questionnaire was sent to 100 Liverpool supporters asking if they thought they needed a new fence, 2 were for it, 2 didn't care and the other 96 were dead against it.
They played just dance I just danced
They played twist I twisted
They played jump I jumped
They played come on Eileen, I was kicked out of the club
They played twist I twisted
They played jump I jumped
They played come on Eileen, I was kicked out of the club
'Did you know you were three miles over the speed limit, sir? The officer asks.
The man begins to explain 'I'm really sorry officer I'm late for my arsehole stretching appointment'
Seeing the perplexed look on the officers face he continues, 'what they do is, put one finger in and work it around until they can fit two in, then keep going until they can get four in, then a hand, then both hands, then both arms to the elbow and it keeps going until my arsehole is six foot wide'
The officer, still perplexed, says 'what can you do with a six foot arsehole?
To which the man replies 'Stand him by the side of the road with a radar gun.'
The man begins to explain 'I'm really sorry officer I'm late for my arsehole stretching appointment'
Seeing the perplexed look on the officers face he continues, 'what they do is, put one finger in and work it around until they can fit two in, then keep going until they can get four in, then a hand, then both hands, then both arms to the elbow and it keeps going until my arsehole is six foot wide'
The officer, still perplexed, says 'what can you do with a six foot arsehole?
To which the man replies 'Stand him by the side of the road with a radar gun.'
After a few drinks, they decide to go back to his place for a little "hanky-panky." Immediately, the man decides to go down on his ladyfriend. After a few minutes of doing his duties, he pops his head up.
"Man, this pussy is huge," he said. "Man, this pussy is huge."
"I know," she said, "but why did you have to say it twice?"
"I didn't," he said.
"Man, this pussy is huge," he said. "Man, this pussy is huge."
"I know," she said, "but why did you have to say it twice?"
"I didn't," he said.
Don't you just hate when people use big words to try and sound more photosynthesis?
Q: What kind of breakfast item did Johnny Carson buy from MD's?
A: An Egg McMahon
(hides from the flying tomatoes...)
A: An Egg McMahon
(hides from the flying tomatoes...)
Police Officer: What the hell happened!?
Pedophile: Well, he kinda choke of deez nuts.
Pedophile: Well, he kinda choke of deez nuts.
Necrophile 1: What happened with you and Brenda?
Necrophile 2: Ah, you know how it is. . .the rotten cunt split on me.
Necrophile 2: Ah, you know how it is. . .the rotten cunt split on me.
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