Jokes Collection

A penguin was driving through town and started hear a knock in the engine so he pulled into an auto shop to get it checked out. While the mechanics were busy under the hood the penguin spotted a Dairy Queen across the street. He waddled over and got himself a soft serve ice cream cone, enjoying the cone very much. He waddled back to the auto shop and the mechanic said grimly "It looks like you blew a seal." The penguin was shocked "No," he said "It's just ice cream."

Because it's a terrible album.

One baby in ten trash cans.

...and business is BOOMING!!

Bobby was a sheep farmer who needed help with the difficult task of castrating some of his inferior male sheep to keep them from breeding with the females.

He hired a French guy who didn`t speak much English, but was a very good worker.

After the first day, Bobby and the French guy had successfully castrated 14 sheep.

When this French worker was just about to throw away the cut off giblets, Bobby yelled, "No! Don`t throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them. They're delicious and we call them `sheep fries`."

Later that day, the French worker came in for supper and indeed, the `sheep fries` were tasty.

The next day, they castrated 16 sheep, and the next evening they all settled down to another supper of `sheep fries`.

On the third day they castrated only 4 sheep and when Bobby came home, he asked his wife where the French worker was.

She said, "You know, it was the weirdest thing! I told him since there weren`t very many `sheep fries` this evening, we were also going to have French fries.

He just screamed and ran like hell.

Carlos

Boris Johnson? Isn't he the man that sounds like he's on his way to pub, or has just made his way back from it?

Because the sun beat the daylights out of it. :D

my friend was dying on the floor and he gave me an inhaler, guess he wanted to give something for me to remember him. weird.

My fucking spine. Holds me back.

Then the topic moved away from science and she was fine again.

But it grew on me!

It's really hurting my golf game.

Exam

Several people got up and left as they spotted the potential danger in the situation.

Doctor: "What happened?" Woman: "Doctor, I don't know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk on Bud Light he beats me to a pulp."
Doctor: "I have a remedy for that. When your husband comes home drunk on Bud Light, just take a glass of sweet tea and start swishing it in your mouth but don't swallow. Just keep swishing and swishing until he goes to bed in his Bud Light stupor."
Two weeks later the women comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: "Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk on Bud Light, I swished with sweet tea. I swished and swished and he didn't touch me!"
Doctor: "You see how much keeping your mouth shut helps?"

must have fallen out of my lunchbox

Getting injected with tetanus.

Silent-li

Reports confirm that the steaks have never been higher.