Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Latest Jokes
- Do you like more blondes or brunettes?
- I like boobs.
- Well, what about the color of girl hair?
- I do not like having hair on my boobs.
- I like boobs.
- Well, what about the color of girl hair?
- I do not like having hair on my boobs.
Two o'clock in the morning, the bar, everything is closed. From the mink protrudes a German mouse, looks around - there is no cat, rushes to the bar, pours a beer, drinks and flies that there are forces back to the mink.
A minute later the French mouse is shown, looks around - there is no cat, also rushes to the bar, pours wine, drinks and also runs off into the hole. Mexican mouse protrudes - no cat, tequila, mink.
The Russian mouse is looking - there is no cat, runs to the bar, pours 100 grams vodka, drinks, looks back - there is no cat, pours the second 100 grams of drinks - there is no cat, pours out the third, then the fourth and fifth ... after the fifth mouse sits down, looks around - well, there is no cat! - kneading muscles and angrily so muttering:
"Well, nothing, where is F$ing cat!?!..."
A minute later the French mouse is shown, looks around - there is no cat, also rushes to the bar, pours wine, drinks and also runs off into the hole. Mexican mouse protrudes - no cat, tequila, mink.
The Russian mouse is looking - there is no cat, runs to the bar, pours 100 grams vodka, drinks, looks back - there is no cat, pours the second 100 grams of drinks - there is no cat, pours out the third, then the fourth and fifth ... after the fifth mouse sits down, looks around - well, there is no cat! - kneading muscles and angrily so muttering:
"Well, nothing, where is F$ing cat!?!..."
If Putin is the father of the nation, then why go to the polls? After all, parents we can't to choose.
In the garbage can, 100 meters from the shopping center, where an attempt was made on Skripal, they found a fur hat with ear flaps. What other proof is needed of Russia's involvement in this atrocity?
The Central Election Commission invites everyone to fulfill its civic duty - to take part in the election, and recalls that eight candidates were nominated for the post of President of the Russian Federation Vladimir Putin.
- Holmes, who's to blame for the poisoning of the Russian defector?
- The Russians.
- Why?
- You see, Watson, if there were no Russians, then we did not need to poison anyone either.
- The Russians.
- Why?
- You see, Watson, if there were no Russians, then we did not need to poison anyone either.
Elected the US president, we will elect the president of Russia. All for the elections!
- Mom, do the angels fly?
- Yes, my daughter, they fly.
- And our father, called the neighbor an angel when she is going to fly?
- In 10 minutes ...
- Yes, my daughter, they fly.
- And our father, called the neighbor an angel when she is going to fly?
- In 10 minutes ...
While I was employed by a private corporation and assigned to the space-shuttle program, my job included ordering supplies. One of the engineers asked me to get a new dictionary for him. The request form said, 'State reason this item is needed,' so I asked him why he wanted one.
I expected his answer would be 'My old copy is lost' or 'The cover is falling off.' Instead he replied, 'My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'' He got his new dictionary.
I expected his answer would be 'My old copy is lost' or 'The cover is falling off.' Instead he replied, 'My edition defines spaceship as an 'imaginary aircraft.'' He got his new dictionary.
Q: Why did Smokey the Bear never have children?
A: Every time his wife got hot, he stamped her out.
A: Every time his wife got hot, he stamped her out.
A man's wife is sitting in the backseat while he's driving.
A cop pulls him over and says: Your wife fell out of the car about a mile back.
The man says: Thanks, I thought I'd gone deaf.
A cop pulls him over and says: Your wife fell out of the car about a mile back.
The man says: Thanks, I thought I'd gone deaf.
Photos on which a person lost weight from 120 to 60 kilograms, cool inspiring. You understand that you can always lose weight and continue to eat.
Brown and black bears are outraged that the Arctic is "only for whites," this is pure water racism! True, they do not want to live there.
Russia is a country that is always ready for a nuclear war, and is never ready for a heating season.
Husband bought shoes. He came home, but no one noticed. Went to the bath.
He came back fully naked but in new shoes.
- Daddy, what's that hanging on you? asks the little daughter.
- This, daughter, a pointer to the new shoes.
Wife: - It would be better if you bought a hat!
He came back fully naked but in new shoes.
- Daddy, what's that hanging on you? asks the little daughter.
- This, daughter, a pointer to the new shoes.
Wife: - It would be better if you bought a hat!
A border guard with a dog walks along the border. Suddenly, hears rustling in the bushes. Border guard - to the dog:
- Tyson, come on, look what's there?
- Fuck you! I can piss off from here!
- Tyson, come on, look what's there?
- Fuck you! I can piss off from here!
- My husband said there was no spark between us. I bought an electric shocker. Will wake up - I'll ask again.
Trump boasts to Putin:
- Imagine, Vladimir, we have some kind of search engine "Google" made an unmanned vehicle!
- Is that an achievement, Donald? I have "Soyuzmultfilm" intercontinental missile with a nuclear engine made!
- Imagine, Vladimir, we have some kind of search engine "Google" made an unmanned vehicle!
- Is that an achievement, Donald? I have "Soyuzmultfilm" intercontinental missile with a nuclear engine made!
- Mr. Trump, do you think, maybe other countries know better how America should behave, how should Americans live and build relations with other nations?
- Yes, you're crazy ...
- Then another question: maybe other countries are in a position to decide how to live and what to do, without instructions and cries from Washington?
- Yes, you are definitely crazy!
- Yes, you're crazy ...
- Then another question: maybe other countries are in a position to decide how to live and what to do, without instructions and cries from Washington?
- Yes, you are definitely crazy!
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