Jokes Collection
Enjoy our collection of over 100,000 jokes. Find humor for every occasion and share laughs with friends and family.
Featured Joke
And asked for a book about tortoises. The woman asked "hardback?"
I said "yeah, and little heads."
I said "yeah, and little heads."
Latest Jokes
What's the definition of unlikely?
A
photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants -
Nude!'.
A
photo-spread in Playboy titled 'The World's Top Accountants -
Nude!'.
What's an extroverted accountant?
One
who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his
own.
One
who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his
own.
Why do some accountants
decide to become
actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
decide to become
actuaries?
They find bookkeeping too exciting.
When does a person decide to become an
accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed
as an
undertaker.
accountant?
When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed
as an
undertaker.
What's the definition of a good tax
accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.
What's the definition of an
accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you
don't understand.
accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you
don't understand.
How many accountants
does it take to
change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in
mind?"
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done
within the given budget.
does it take to
change a light bulb?
"What kind of answer did you have in
mind?"
Two, one to change the light bulb and one to check that it was done
within the given budget.
A young accountant spends a week at his new
office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every
morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens
his
desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing
sheet of
paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with
renewed vigor,
returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins
his day's work.
After he retires, the new accountant can hardly
wait to read for
himself the message contained in the envelope in
the drawer, particularly
since he feels so inadequate in replacing
the far wiser and more highly
esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks
to himself, it must contain the
great secret to his success, a
wondrous treasure of inspiration and
motivation. His fingers tremble
anxiously as he removes the mysterious
envelope from the drawer and
reads the following message:
"Debits in the column toward t
he file cabinet.
Credits in the column toward the window."
office with the retiring accountant he is replacing. Each and every
morning as the more experienced accountant begins the day, he opens
his
desk drawer, takes out a worn envelope, removes a yellowing
sheet of
paper, reads it, nods his head, looks around the room with
renewed vigor,
returns the envelope to the drawer, and then begins
his day's work.
After he retires, the new accountant can hardly
wait to read for
himself the message contained in the envelope in
the drawer, particularly
since he feels so inadequate in replacing
the far wiser and more highly
esteemed accountant. Surely, he thinks
to himself, it must contain the
great secret to his success, a
wondrous treasure of inspiration and
motivation. His fingers tremble
anxiously as he removes the mysterious
envelope from the drawer and
reads the following message:
"Debits in the column toward t
he file cabinet.
Credits in the column toward the window."
A
business owner tells her friend that
she is desperately searching for an
accountant.
Her friend
asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short
while
ago?"
The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been
searching for."
business owner tells her friend that
she is desperately searching for an
accountant.
Her friend
asks, "Didn't your company hire an accountant a short
while
ago?"
The business owner replies, "That's the accountant I've been
searching for."
A 54-year-old
accountant leaves a letter
for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I
am 54 years old,
and by the time you get this letter I will be at the
Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
When he
arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that
read
as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time
you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen
year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely
appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into
18."
accountant leaves a letter
for his wife one evening which read: "Dear Wife, I
am 54 years old,
and by the time you get this letter I will be at the
Grand Hotel
with my beautiful and sexy eighteen year old secretary."
When he
arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for him that
read
as follows: "Dear Husband, I too am 54 years old, and by the time
you receive this letter I will be at the Savoy Hotel with my eighteen
year old toy boy. Because you are an accountant, you will surely
appreciate that l8 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into
18."
If an accountant's wife cannot sleep, what
does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."
does she say?
"Darling, could you tell me about your work."
A guy in a bar
leans over to the guy
next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant
joke?"
The
guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you
should
know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And
the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an
accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The
first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two
times."
leans over to the guy
next to him and says, "Want to hear an accountant
joke?"
The
guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you
should
know that I'm 6 feet tall, 200 pounds, and I'm an accountant. And
the guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, 225 pounds, and he's an
accountant. Now, do you still want to tell that joke?"
The
first guy says, "No, I don't want to have to explain it two
times."
Why accountants don't read
novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
novels?
Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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