Jokes Collection

Bricks get laid.

One doesn't cry sexism when you fire it.

A Man Staggers into a Hospital with Concussion, Multiple Bruises, Two Black Eyes and a 5 Iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Doctor asked 'What happened to you?' Well I was playing Golf with my wife when we sliced our golf balls into a field of cows. I found one stuck in a cows fanny, I yelled to my wife 'this looks like yours', I don't remember much after that.

...2.6M people in Taiwan had Taipei personalities...

Now I live in fear

They specialise in blow up dolls

One doesn't cry sexism when you fire it.

To keep up with the content.

Incense sticks make scents.

We stared at each other's peckers.

He calls into work and tells his boss he is feeling ill and won't be able to make it in today.

"When I am feeling down, I go to my house and sleep with my wife. It always makes me feel better," the boss says.

"Ok I will do same,". The Chinese man says.

Later that day, the boss gets a call. ". I did what you ask. I feel lot better now."

"Good," the boss replies.

"By the way, your house is very nice." The Chinese man said.

A fridge doesn't fart when you take out your meat

When I rubbed it the genie said

'You may have a long memory, or a long penis'

I forget my response

He looks over to me and says "Sank you!" Can't believe he just brought up Pearl Harbor like that.

"Sonny, for the love of God I can't remember what's the name of that German fellow who keeps hiding stuff around the house?"

"It's Alzheimer, grandma. It's Alzheimer."

Because I shot its leg off.

Comedian #1 asks Comedian #2 if he would like to go to a large comedian convention nearby. Comedian #2 agrees and they proceed to the convention. They arrive in a large room filled with comedians. So much that they are literally bumping shoulders with people as they walk around.
Within the crowd of people, they see a man stand up on a chair and shout "3,476!!"

and the there is a murmur of laughter throughout the crowd.

Comedian #2 turns to Comedian #1 and says "What was that all about, why are people laughing?"

Comedian #1 explains "Jokes take quite a long time to tell, and it is easier to just simply say the number that they are assigned rather than tell the whole joke. Any good comedian would know what the numbers mean."

Comedian #2, somewhat perplexed, mutters "O- Okay, sure!"

They are standing around a little longer listening to people shout seemingly arbitrary numbers into the crowd and a subsequent hum of laughter.

"264!!", Shouts someone.

Snickers throughout the crowd are heard.

"6,521!!!" Screams someone else.

Again the crowd gives out a noticeable 'chortle'.

21,167!!!" Cries a voice in the crowd.

Everyone laughs subtly again, except for one man near Comedian #2 who is on the floor, hysterically laughing.

Comedian #2 ask Comedian #1 "What the hell is wrong with that guy?!"

Comedian #1 responds "Well he clearly has never heard that one."

And boy or girl are my arms tired

The friend zone...

Yoko Uno