Jan 14, 1919 - Nov 4, 2011
An Iconic Voice in Broadcasting
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Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts an
Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, \'How can he want me the way I look in the morning?\' It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.
If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.
When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.
Don't pin much hope on the mail, and when the phone rings don't expect anyone wonderful to be calling
We've sent a man to the moon, and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week, but for some reason nobody's ever done it.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person
Democrats (I think to myself) are liberals who believe the people are basically good, but that they need government help to organize their lives. They believe in freedom so fervently that they think it should be compulsory. They believe that the poor and ignorant are victims of an unfair system and that their circumstances can be improved if we give them help. Republicans (I think to myself) are conservatives who think it would be best if we faced the fact that people are no damned good. They think that if we admit tha
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort -- the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing -- the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'
A writer's job is to tell the truth.
My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.
We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.
Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.
The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.
The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account.
The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.
The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.
The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.
The closing of a door can bring blessed privacy and comfort - the opening, terror. Conversely, the closing of a door can be a sad and final thing - the opening a wonderfully joyous moment.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.
The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.
People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.
Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.
