Andy Rooney

I'd like to take some calculus, too. I have absolutely no ability in that direction and not much interest, either, but there's something going on in mathematics that I don't understand, and I'd like to find out what it is.

Before a kid learns how to use a computer that can solve mathematical problems, he or she should know how to do arithmetic without a computer.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.

When I write, I use an Underwood #5 made in 1920. Someone gave me an electric typewriter, but there's no use pretending you can use machinery that thinks faster than you do. An electric typewriter is ready to go before I have anything to say.

In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.

Looking and not finding is certainly one of the most frustrating ways to spend time.

The English language is more complex than calculus because numbers don't have nuances.

New ideas are one of the most overrated concepts of our time. Most of the important ideas that we live with aren't new at all.

Person-to-person, most people are honest.

Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be ...

No matter what any of the grammar teachers say, punctuation is an arbitrary matter. It should be used to make sentences clear.

Familiar things are a comfort to us all.

When it comes to educating all of us about the most basic things in life, it seems to me we need more kindergartens and fewer graduate schools.

It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

If you put on an item of clothing that hurts just because you have an idea it looks better or conforms to what other people are wearing, it's dumb.

American closets are filled with once-worn clothes that got a bad review from a friend on their first appearance.

Soap, like people, shouldn't smell like anything.

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

We aren't consistent in our treatment of animals.

I like animals who trust people.

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.

It's ridiculous for a country to get all worked up about a gameЂ'except the Super Bowl, of course. Now that's important.

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.

Have you noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels...I write, \'Could you throw this away for me?\'

Teachers who have plugged away at their jobs for twenty, thirty, and forty years are heroes. I suspect they know in their hearts they've done a good thing, too, and are more satisfied with themselves than most people are. Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

People like to say, \'You're only as old as you feel,\' but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

Being kind is more important than being right.

Believing is such a comfort that it's hard to give up a belief just because it isn't true.

A little-recognized value of listening and inquiring relates to the realization that in human relationships, it is frequently not what the I've learned ... that it is best to give advice in only two circumstances: when it is requested and when it is a life-threatening situation.