Lewis Black

The people we elect aren't bipartisan. The American public is bipartisan.

The fine line that you do when you do political comedy is, as long as you have that laugh, you're fine.

The Democrats have responded to the Republicans' lack of dealing with reality by truly not dealing with reality, either.

The core of the American public, their hearts and their minds are in the right place. And that gives me hope.

Stand-up is the only thing in which you actually write it, act it and direct it simultaneously, so it's actually a great theater exercise.

Socialism appeals to me. It's like imposed Christianity. You've got to share.

Republicans and Democrats can barely do what they're supposed to do, and they sure can't do math!

Political audiences are not fun.

One of the interesting things about comedy is it's tension release, and nothing creates tension faster than anger.

Nobody in college races home and says, 'I can't wait to see the news! I can't wait to see who CBS is going to hire!'

My touring has never stopped; from the time I started doing stand-up, I've been on the road.

My problem has always been with authority, and I'm sure if anybody understands that, it's people in uniform.

My father worked at the Naval Ordnance Lab, and they had a nine-hole course on the property. You paid a quarter.

Macs are not intuitive. It's intuitive to the person who created it. It's not intuitive to me.

Kids seem to get me when I play colleges - they like it because I go after them. They'll come up after and say I am like their dads, only funny.

Janeane Garofalo ended up, in a sense, being pushed by the media into becoming a pundit.

If you're going to pick a book and you want to base a system of government around it, why not 'Harry Potter?'

If we're not going to tax the rich anymore, we're going to create class warfare.

I've got stuff about airline mergers, which just shows that my stand-up is getting more insane by the minute.

I've always really liked theater. It fascinated me. You can create a reality and get people involved in that reality. It takes place in real time.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

I'm constantly in fear of having a stroke.

I'm amazed that anyone is interested in what I have to say.

I'm a selfish, little pig of a man.

I'm a happy person but an angry citizen.

I would like to play Pebble Beach at some point. I keep waiting for them to call and ask me to that little pro-am thing, but I'm not big enough.

I watch some CNN and a lot of Fox, because it helps me get irritated.

I think the only reason you visit an Apple store is because you wonder what life is like on another planet.

I think that many things that go on in an art school have a tendency to undermine confidence, and that shouldn't be part of the ballgame, ever.

I think that I don't panic as much as the folks on the left or the right do. I don't have that sense of panic.