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John: [in pain] Now that's the Eric Matthews they gave medals too (Ace Goodman) Computer voice: Mail, mothafucka! (Ace Goodman) Cooper: This isn't where I parked my car. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Candy: Cooper Harris, you're a pig! [starts getting out] Cooper: Candy, wait. You've got something on you. Candy: [looks around] Where? Cooper: Like right here. Candy: [uncovers her breasts] Where? (Ace Goodman) Mieke: [walks forward with a smile] Who are you? (Ace Goodman) Mieke: Going to college. Cooper: [Cooper is heard on Scotty's phone] What's the freak look like? Scott: Which room are you in? Mieke: This one. Room 214. I guess they thought I was a guy. Scott: Now who would be dumb enough to make that mistake? [Scotty and Mieke begin kissing] Cooper: [Over the phone] Do I hear kissing noises? Scotty are you making out with your new room mate? [Scotty and Mieke fall on Scotty's bed continuing to make out] Cooper: Scotty? Scotty? SCOTTY! Green Fairy: [Green Fairy appears] This happy ending is bullshit! When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here! [makes The End appear with his wand, flies away] (Ace Goodman) [Scotty opens the door and finds Mieke standing there] Cooper: [yelling over the phone] What's the freak look like? Is he a dork or is he cool? He better not be cooler than me, is he cooler than me? Is he bigger than me? Scott: I just got your last email. What are doing here? Mieke: Going to college. Scott: What dorm? Mieke: This one. Room 2-1-4. Scott: How is this even possible? Mieke: I guess they thought I was a guy. Scott: Now who be dumb enough to make a mistake like that? [Scotty and Mieke begin kissing] Cooper: [over the phone] Do I hear kissing? Are you making out with your roommate Scotty? [Scotty and Mieke fall on Scotty's bed laughing and continue to make out] Cooper: Scotty? Scotty? SCOTTY! Green Fairy: [Green Fairy appears] This happy ending is bullshit! When does the fairy get laid? I'm outta here! [makes the words The End appear with his wand, flies away] (Ace Goodman) [winks] (Ace Goodman) Scott: Well, that's very sweet of you. Thanks. (Ace Goodman) Jenny: Paris! I heard two years ago, Nicky Jager's sister, Debbie, met this wealthy French guy, and spent a month sailing the Mediterranean on his yacht. Isn't that just the most romantic thing you've ever heard? Cooper: Stuck on a boat with a weird French guy? That sounds a little gay. Jenny: It's not gay. I'm a girl. Scott: Kinda gay. Cooper: A little gay. (Ace Goodman) Cooper: Fine, I'll do it. [starts reaching for Candy's breasts] Missy: [walks in with three jocks] Candy! Candy: [covers herself] Cooper! Cooper: [looks at the jocks] Hi. This isn't where I parked my car. (Ace Goodman) Mad Maynard: Hello boyo! Scott: So what the hell happened last night? Mad Maynard: You got steamed up, pissed as a fart. Too much sauce son. (Ace Goodman) [laughs] Cooper: Wow. You guys are on a completely different level of swearing here. (Ace Goodman) Scott: What are you talking about? Sweetie, I never cheated on you! Fiona: I know. That's what makes this so hard. (Ace Goodman) Jenny: I'm a girl from our high school. (Ace Goodman) [waiter shows his manager] Waiter: You see this? [slaps the manager] Waiter: I quit. I open my own hotel. (Ace Goodman) Jamie: It's a traveler's money belt. Frommer's says if you have one of these, no-one can rob you of anything. Scott: Except your dignity. Jamie: No, you just put that in your... wait, what? (Ace Goodman) Jamie: I got robbed! It was awesome. (Ace Goodman) | |
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