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Police Officer: You said that if anyone ever interfers with project mayhem, even you, we gotta get his balls. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: You're making a big mistake, fellas!
Police Officer: You said you would say that.
Narrator: I'm not Tyler Durden!
Police Officer: You told us you'd say that, too.
Narrator: All right then, I'm Tyler Durden. Listen to me, I'm giving you a direct order. We're aborting this mission right now.
Police Officer: You said you would definitely say that. (Ace Goodman)
Marla Singer: I've been going to Debtor's Anonymous. You want to see some really fucked-up people... (Ace Goodman)
Tyler Durden: Just tell him you fuckin' did it. Tell him you blew it all up. That's what he wants to hear. (Ace Goodman)
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Narrator: I'm gonna go inside and I'm gonna get a shovel. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Most of the week we were Ozzie and Harriet, but every Saturday night we were finding something out: we were finding out more and more that we were not alone. It used to be that when I came home angry and depressed I'd just clean my condo, polish my Scandinavian furniture. I should have been looking for a new condo. I should have been haggling with my insurance company. I should have been upset about my nice, neat, flaming little shit. But I wasn't. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: I wasn't really dying. I wasn't host to cancer or parasites. I was the warm little center that the life of this world crowded around. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: If I didn't say anything, people always assumed the worst. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: [on phone with Marla] Marla, did we ever have sex?
Marla Singer: What? Do you mean did I think we were just having sex or making love?
Narrator: Marla just answer the question. Did we ever have sex.
Marla Singer: Ok.You fuck me, then snub me. You love me, you hate me. You show me a sensitive side, then you turn into a total asshole. Is this a pretty accurate description of our relationship, Tyler?
Narrator: Wait. What did you just call me?
Marla Singer: Tyler. Tyler Durden. Tyler Durden! (Ace Goodman)
Tyler Durden: Would you like to say a few words to mark the occasion?
Narrator: [with Tyler's gun in his mouth] mm mm mm mm mm mmmmmm.
[Tyler removes the gun]
Narrator: I still can't think of anything.
Tyler Durden: Ah. Flashback humor. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: By the end of the first month, I didn't miss TV. (Ace Goodman)
Marla Singer: Listen. I tried Tyler. I really tried. There are things about you that I like, you're smart, you're funny, you're spectacular in bed. But you are intolerable. You have serious emotional problems, deep seated problems for which you should seek professional help. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Clean food, please.
Waiter: In that case, sir, may I advise against the lady eating clam chowder?
Narrator: No clam chowder, thank you. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: I had it all. I had a stereo that was very decent, a wardrobe that was getting very respectable. I was close to being complete.
Tyler Durden: Shit man, now it's all gone. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Tyler, I'm grateful to you; for everything that you've done for me. But this is too much. I don't want this.
Tyler Durden: What do you want? Wanna go back to the shit job, fuckin' condo world, watching sitcoms? Fuck you, I won't do it. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: We have front row seats for this theatre of mass destruction. The demolitions committee of Project Mayhem wrapped the foundation columns of a dozen buildings with blasting gelatin. In two minutes primary charges will blow base charges and a few square blocks will be reduced to smoldering rubble. I know this, because Tyler knows this. (Ace Goodman)
Tyler Durden: You're too old, fat man. Your tits are too big.
[Tyler walks away, throwing his cigarette]
Tyler Durden: Get the fuck off my porch. (Ace Goodman)
Lou: I'm fucking Lou. Who the fuck are you? (Ace Goodman)
Tyler Durden: Reject the basic assumptions of civilization, especially the importance of materiel possessions. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Tyler was a night person. While the rest of us slept, he worked. He had one part time job as a projectionist. See, a movie doesn't come all on one real. It comes on a few. See, there are these little dots on the screen.
Tyler Durden: In the movie industry, we call them cigarette burns.
Narrator: That's the cue for a change-over. The movie keeps on going, and nobody in the audience has any clue.
Tyler Durden: Why would anyone want this shit job?
Narrator: Because it affords him other interesting opportunities.
Tyler Durden: Like splicing single frames of porn into family films... (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: With insomnia, nothing is real. Everything is far away. Everything is a copy of a copy of a copy. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Bob had bitch tits. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: Bob loved me because he thought my testicles were removed too. Being there, pressed against his tits, ready to cry. This was my vacation... and she ruined *everything*.
Marla Singer: This is cancer right?
Narrator: This chick Marla singer did not have testicular cancer. She was a liar. She had no diseases at all. I had seen her at Free and Clear my blood parasite group Thursdays. Then at Hope, my bi-monthly sickle cell circle. And again at Seize the Day, my tuberculous Friday night. Marla... the big tourist. Her lie reflected my lie. Suddenly I felt nothing. I couldn't cry, so once again I couldn't sleep. (Ace Goodman)
Narrator: You're insane.
Tyler Durden: No. YOU ARE! (Ace Goodman)
Tyler Durden: [to the police chief] Hi. You're going to call off your rigorous investigation. You're going to publically state that there is no underground group. Or... these guys are going to take your balls. And send one to the New York Times, one to the LA Times press release staff. Look, the people you are after are the people you depend on. We cook your meals, we drive your ambulances. We connect your calls, we guard you while you sleep. Do not... fuck with us. (Ace Goodman)
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