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Guest at wedding: How tall are you? Jeremy Grey: Six foot five, but I feel like I'm four feet. (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair. Janice: Okay... Jeremy Grey: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk. (Ace Goodman) [John walks in] Jeremy Grey: And, um, yeah. That sounds agreeable, Larry. I call you back next quarter. (Ace Goodman) John Beckwith: Wow, we're getting a great preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner over here. (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: [whispering] I know. Why do I have to be in camouflage? Is the big bad quail gonna get me? (Ace Goodman) John Beckwith: Get out! [points at the door] Jeremy Grey: John… John Beckwith: Kindly leave! (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: Yeah, that was. We should get back. They'll be looking for us. Gloria Cleary: I always knew my first time would be on a beach. Jeremy Grey: [stunned] First time? You're a virgin? Gloria Cleary: Mm-hmm. Jeremy Grey: Wow. Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, we are going to be so happy together. Jeremy Grey: [bewildered] I'm sorry? Gloria Cleary: I love you. (Ace Goodman) John Beckwith: Wow, RISD, that's awesome Todd. Well done! Todd Cleary: Yeah, Dad, Dad always thought I would be a political liability in case he ever ran for President. Secretary Cleary: Now, now Todd. Actually polling shows that most people would ultimately be empathetic with our situation. Todd Cleary: What is our situation, Dad? Grandma Mary Cleary: You are a homo. (Ace Goodman) Todd Cleary: I don't each fish or meat. Grandma Mary Cleary: He's a homo. (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: I don't even wear a belt... Beltless. Secretary Cleary: I am a very powerful man. Jeremy Grey: Yes, you are. Secretary Cleary: See you for dinner. (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else? Bratty Kid: I just want a bicycle! Jeremy Grey: Why... why are you yelling at me? Bratty Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown! Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle. Bratty Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it. Jeremy Grey: [later] Take that, you hyena, don't say thank you. (Ace Goodman) John Beckwith: True love is your soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. Claire Cleary: It's a little cheesy but I like it. John Beckwith: I read it on a bumper sticker! (Ace Goodman) Jeremy Grey: I am going to go with the balloon animal display. For the kids. And then when she comes near, guess who is the broken man, haunted past? How about you? John Beckwith: I am going to go dance with the little flower girl. Oh, and I might be a charter member of Oprah's book club. Jeremy Grey: It's all deadly. (Ace Goodman) | |
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