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  • Jeremy Grey: Just a couple of kids who like to fuck, tryin' to make an honest, I get it... (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: I'm a cocksman!
    [gets glares from wedding guests]
    John Beckwith: [to wedding guests] Tourette's. (Ace Goodman)
  • Claire Cleary: True love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: [after Jeremy gets violently tackled to the ground] You were awesome... she's buying it, now quit messing around and get up.
    Jeremy Grey: [after getting the wind knocked out of him, whispering] I'm not messing around, I cant breathe.
    John Beckwith: Oh, come on, now you're just milking it.
    Jeremy Grey: [looks up in disgust, still whispering] I hate you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Chazz Reinhold: Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: [about Chaz] He lived with his mom till he was forty! She tried to poison his oatmeal!
    Jeremy Grey: Erroneous! Erroneous! Erroneous on both accounts! (Ace Goodman)
  • Chazz Reinhold: Yeah, her boyfriend just died. In a hang-gliding accident! What an idiot! What a loser!
    [sarcastically imitating dead boyfriend]
    Chazz Reinhold: "Hey, I'm hang-gliding! Aaaahhh! Take a picture, honey, I'm dead! (Ace Goodman)
  • Todd Cleary: I made you a painting. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: Claire's mom just made me feel her hooters.
    Jeremy Grey: So, you gonna complain everytime some hot older broad makes you feel her up? Stop crying like a little girl.
    John Beckwith: I wasn't crying like a little girl.
    Jeremy Grey: Why don't you try getting jacked off under the table in front of the whole damn family? Then you'll have something to complain about. They look pretty good, are they real? They built for speed or for comfort? What'd you do? You motorboat 'em? You played the motorboat
    [makes sputtering motorboat noise]
    Jeremy Grey: You motorboatin' son of a bitch, you old sailor!
    John Beckwith: What's wrong with you?
    Jeremy Grey: What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you?
    John Beckwith: [starts walking away] Nothin'. I'm going for a walk.
    Jeremy Grey: [snidely] Well, have fun. I'm gonna go ice my balls and spit up blood. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: It feels so good when he jokes. (Ace Goodman)
  • Claire Cleary: We're a folk singing group from Salt Lake City.
    Gloria Cleary: Yeah!
    Jeremy Grey: Yes, we are. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: [introducing himself at a wedding reception] Sanjay Collins.
    Jeremy Grey: Chuck Vindaloo. Excited to be here.
    [cut to another reception]
    John Beckwith: Seamus O'Toole.
    Jeremy Grey: Bobby O'Shea.
    John Beckwith: I'm ready to get drunk! (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: You know how they say we only use 10 percent of our brains? I think we only use 10 percent of our hearts. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: Rule #1: Never Leave a Fellow Crasher Behind. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: We're getting a nice preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner over here. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: I'm gonna go see Dr. Finklestein and I'm gonna tell him we have a whole new bag of issues. We can forget about mom for a while. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: I hope you flip your bike over and knock your two front teeth out! You selfish son of a bitch! You leave me in the trenches taking grenades, John! (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: [smacks his butt] Watch me take this on down the road. (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary...
    Kathleen Cleary: Kitty Kat.
    John Beckwith: Kitty Kat, I'm sorry, but are you out of your fucking mind? (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: [quarterbacking a touch football game] John! Red seven!
    John Beckwith: I don't know what red seven means.
    Jeremy Grey: Hot route!
    John Beckwith: I don't... What is hot route?
    John Beckwith: Will you just go stand on the other side please? (Ace Goodman)
  • Secretary Cleary: Are you okay in here?
    Jeremy Grey: I was just having a bad dream. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: What happened?
    John Beckwith: I think he's on steroids. It's like trying to cover a fucking race horse. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: She's not answering your calls, not replying to your letters. God only knows what happened to the kitten you got for her. 'Cause you know she didn't keep it, and I know you're not raising the goddamn thing. (Ace Goodman)
  • Jeremy Grey: [speaking to the priest] This girl's fit for a strait-jacket. I mean she's three ways fucked to the weekend. But you know what, Father? I dig it! (Ace Goodman)
  • John Beckwith: Get up, you're making us look like pussies.
    Jeremy Grey: If I had any air in my lungs I'd scream at you. (Ace Goodman)
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  • If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears. (Isaac Hayes)

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  • “I would like to think I would rise to the occasion, but it's just interesting to me how powerful human beings can be when pushed to their limit and I really wanted to find it realistically that she could fight back, that she could take the skills she had learned just from being a hotel manager and turn them around and actually escape the situation.” (Rachel McAdams) [think/human/find/fight]