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Elliot: Ew. EW. EW! It's terrible and wonderful at the same time! It's freedom in a cup! (Ace Goodman) Boog: Yeah, we'll need your nuts! Elliot: And your acorns, too! (Ace Goodman) Elliot: What are you going to do? [drops him into his hand] Elliot: AHHHHHHHH! [realizes that he wasn't falling] Elliot: Ha ha! you're funny. I was like, "No way" and then I was like, "Uh-huh!" Ha ha ha ha! [Boog throws him] (Ace Goodman) | |
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Boog: Shush! [Boog passes out] (Ace Goodman) Mr. Weenie: Good Mama's getting kind of gamey. (Ace Goodman) Boog: Where's home? It's gone! Someone stole it! (Ace Goodman) [everyone realizes there isn't enough room to move] Stan: Well? Cartman: I'm gonna, just give me a minute. (Ace Goodman) [crowd quiets] Chef's Father: Tomorrow, my son is gonna get married to a beautiful lady. [sniffles] Chef's Father: I'm very happy for them both. [begins to choke back tears] Chef's Father: Ooh, there I go - I told myself I wasn't gonna cry. Chef: It's okay, pop. Chef's Mother: Thomas, you're gonna get me going now. [begins to tear up] Chef's Father: I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man, he came runnin' into me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he says to me, "Poppa, poppa." I said, "What do you need, Chef, my boy?" He said, "I need about tree-fitty." Chef's Mother: Tree-fitty! Chef's Father: Well, it was about that time I begin to get suspicious. I said, "Chef, my boy, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Boo-Boo the dinosaur wants it." So I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was that damn Loch Ness Monster! Chef's Mother: Lord, it was scary! Chef's Father: I said, "Dammit, monster, you quit bugging my children, now. We work for our money in this house - we don't just give money away!" (Ace Goodman) [silence] Man: What's your wish, pal? Kenny: [muffled] I guess the only thing I wish is not to die. Woman: What did he say? Kyle: He said his wish is not to die. [long stretch of silence] Woman: Okay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes? What would the second one be? (Ace Goodman) [sings] Eric Cartman: You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille... (Ace Goodman) [someone giggles] Randy Marsh: What? [looks at the board and realized his diagram looks like a penis] Randy Marsh: Oh, godammit! Godammit! [erases it] (Ace Goodman) Kenny: [muffled] Yes! [he dances around in jubilee] Kenny: [muffled] Woohoo! I did it! I reached level s... [a truck runs him over] Driver: [playing his PSP] Oh, yeah, level 4, sweet! (Ace Goodman) Ms. Garrison: Now, how about our gay couples? Stan and Kyle? Stan: [determined] Fine! Ms. Garrison: What? Stan: No problems at all! Ms. Garrison: [angry] That's impossible! [she snatches the egg from Stan's hand and looks it over carefully] Ms. Garrison: Are you sure you didn't break it and switch eggs on me? Where's my signature? Stan: It's right there, see? [he leans toward Kyle in fear; Wendy looks away from the action] Ms. Garrison: [shouts] Two boys can't possibly take care of an egg! Kyle: Dude, it's totally fine. Ms. Garrison: [shouts] It isn't fine! It has two daddies! It may be fine on the outside, but inside it's confused and embarrassed! Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies! [taunts the egg directly] Ms. Garrison: Two daddies! Two daddies! C'mon, class, let's rip on the freak egg! Two daddies! Two daddies! (Ace Goodman) Governor: I believe that I might have come up with a compromise to this whole problem that will make everyone happy! People in the gay community want the same rights as married couples, but dissenters don't want the word "marriage" corrupted. So how about we let gay people get married, but call it something else? [everyone listens quietly] Governor: You homosexuals will have all the exact same rights as married couples, but, instead of referring to you as "married", you can be... butt buddies. [long silence] Governor: Instead of being "man and wife", you'll be... butt buddies. You won't be "betrothed", you'll be... [makes quote with his fingers] Governor: ... butt buddies. Get it? Instead of a "bride and groom", you'd be... [makes quote with his fingers again] Governor: ... butt buddies. Mr. Slave: We wanna be treated equally! Governor: You *are* equal. It's just that, instead of getting engaged, you would be... butt buddies. And everyone is happy! Woman: [from the lesbian crowd] Well, what about lesbians? Governor: Well, like anyone cares about fuckin' dykes! [the crowd goes into an uproar] Governor: [embarrassed] Oh, God, I was sure that would work. (Ace Goodman) [shouts] Randy Marsh: I thought this was America! (Ace Goodman) Eric Cartman: [imitating Tony Montana] What you lookin' at? You all a bunch of fuckin' assholes. You know why? You don't have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin' fingers and say, "That's the bad guy." (Ace Goodman) | |
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