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  • Brick Tamland: [after a rival news team insults Ron and the team] Heinie...
    [laughs]
    Brick Tamland: he said heinie!
    Champ Kind: Brick, get back over here! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [to an offscreen cameraman] I'm on right now?... I don't believe you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Spanish Anchor: Tonight's top story: The sewers run red with Burgundy's blood. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry Man - I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes - I have a nickname for my penis. It's called the Octagon. But I also nicknamed my testes - my left one is James Westphal and my right one is Dr. Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right and you just might get to meet the whole gang. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brian Fantana: People call me the Bry man; I'm the stylish one of the group. I know what you're asking yourself and the answer is yes. I have a nick name for my penis. Its called the Octagon, but I also nick named my testes - my left one is James Westfall and my right one is Doctor Kenneth Noisewater. You ladies play your cards right you just might get to meet the whole gang. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: Hey Garth! How's the divorce?
    Garth Holliday: Oh, not so good... I'll probably never see my kids again...
    Ron Burgundy: FAN-tastic. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ed Harken: Sweetheart, you and I have had this discussion a million times. There's never been a woman anchor.
    Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Harken, this city needs its news. And you are going to deprive them of that because I have breasts? Exquisite breasts? Now, I am gonna goi on, and if you want to try and stop me, bring it on. Because I am good at three things: Fighting, screwing, and reading the news. I've already done one of those today, so what's the other one gonna be? Huh?
    Ed Harken: [thinks about it] ... Screwing? (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [looking at his reflection in the mirror] Mmmmm... I look good. I mean really good. Hey everyone... come and see how good I look! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: This is Ron Burgundy, proudly reporting once again for Channel 4 News. Today's story is one of the more remarkable things ever to happen to San Diago or even the world. But in order to properly retell it, I'm going to need some help from my co-anchor, Miss Veronica Corningstone.
    Brick Tamland: [comes on camera] High Pressure systems...
    Ron Burgundy: [shoves Brick] No, no, no, no, Brick. (Ace Goodman)
  • Bill Lawson: Bob Dylan once wrote, The times, they are a-changin. Ron Burgundy had never heard that song. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brian Fantana: So the team pancake breakfast is tomorrow morning at nine, instead of eight.
    Ron Burgundy: Oop... I almost forgot. I won't be able to make it fellas. Veronica and I trying this new fad called uh, jogging. I believe it's jogging or yogging. it might be a soft j. I'm not sure but apparently you just run for an extended period of time. It's supposed to be wild. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brick Tamland: I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn't cotton candy like the guy said... my tummy itches. (Ace Goodman)
  • Wes Mantooth: What are you doing on our stations turf, Burgundy? You're about to get a serious beatdown.
    Champ Kind: I will smash your face into a car windshield, and then take your mother Dorothy Mantooth out for a nice seafood dinner and never call her again.
    Wes Mantooth: Dorothy Mantooth is a saint! You understand me? Dorothy Mantooth is a saint!
    Ron Burgundy: Hey, leave the mothers out of this - all right?; it's unnecessary. Besides, I'm sure Wes here is just upset over finishing second in the ratings again. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brick Tamland: [opposing women in the newsroom] I read somewhere their periods attract bears. Bears can smell the menstruation.
    Brian Fantana: Well, that's just great. You hear that, Ed? Bears. Now you're putting the whole station in jeopardy. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brian Fantana: It's called Sex Panther by Odeon; it's illegal in nine countries. It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: I'm proud of you fellas. You all kept your head on a swivel, and that's what you gotta do when you find yourself in a vicious cock fight. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: By the beard of Zeus! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [doing mouth exercises] How now, brown cow. (Ace Goodman)
  • Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy, you have a *massive* erection!
    Ron Burgundy: Oh, uh, it's the pleats... (Ace Goodman)
  • Veronica Corningstone: Mr. Burgundy! You have a massive erection! (Ace Goodman)
  • Veronica Corningstone: [in bear pit] In case we die here today, there's something that you should know. That dirty trick with the Teleprompter. It wasn't...
    Ron Burgundy: Sweet Eli Whitney's nose! It wasn't you, was it? It was Wes Mantooth. Oh, I should have known.
    Veronica Corningstone: No, no. No, I did it.
    Ron Burgundy: [screams] You bitch!
    [bears wake up]
    Ron Burgundy: You woke up the bears! Why did you do that? (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: Look, it's the most glorious rainbow ever.
    Veronica Corningstone: Do me on it! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: Knights of Columbus, that hurt! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: I'm storming your castle on my steed, m'lady. (Ace Goodman)
  • Public TV News Anchor: Not so fast, you ingrates. Public News Team is taking a break from its pledge drive to kick some ass. No commercials, no mercy! (Ace Goodman)
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  • If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears. (Isaac Hayes)

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  • “I would like to think I would rise to the occasion, but it's just interesting to me how powerful human beings can be when pushed to their limit and I really wanted to find it realistically that she could fight back, that she could take the skills she had learned just from being a hotel manager and turn them around and actually escape the situation.” (Rachel McAdams) [think/human/find/fight]