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  • Trish: [on the bed, kissing] Do you have protection?
    Andy Stitzer: I don't believe in guns. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cal: Be David Caruso in "Jade." (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: She had hands as big as Andre the Giant, and she had an Adam's apple as big as her balls! (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: Is this shirt too yellow?
    Cal: No.
    [pause]
    Cal: Tell me, what's Curious George like in real life? (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: I hope you have a big trunk... because I'm puttin' my bike in it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: [after his co-workers figure out that he's a virgin, he tries to deny it] You guys... are up... your... asses. (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: That billboard had two sides, and both of them hurt equally. (Ace Goodman)
  • Cal: You look like a man-o-lantern. (Ace Goodman)
  • David: Know how I know you're gay? You like Coldplay. (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: I'm a virgin. I always have been. (Ace Goodman)
  • David: You know how I know you're gay? You have a rainbow bumper sticker on your car that says "I like it when balls are in my face." (Ace Goodman)
  • Andy Stitzer: [yells] Yooooooooow, Kelly Clarkson! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [signing off] You stay classy, Planet Earth. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [after Brian introduces Ron to a girl, who then later points toward her breasts] You pointed to your boobies. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: I'm expressing my inner anguish through the majesty of song. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [to Veronica] It's all right, my sweet chinchilla. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [after smelling the Sex Panther cologne] It's a formidable scent. It stings the nostrils. Why, to be honest with you, Brian, it smells like pure gasoline. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ed Harken: Apparently, my son was on something called "Acid," and was shooting a bow and arrow into a crowd. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: [Ron Burgundy is handed a salad with cat poop] I will *not* eat that!
    Tino: You will eat that cat poop!
    Ron Burgundy: I will not eat cat poop!
    Tino: You will eat that cat poop before you talk about my city that way again!
    Ron Burgundy: Fine, if I eat the cat poop, will you bring me a steak?
    [he eats the cat poop]
    Ron Burgundy: Oh, God!
    Tino: Somebody get him a steak quick!
    Ron Burgundy: I'll eat the whole hunk of shit! I don't care! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: I believe you have an absolutely breathtaking heiney. I would like to become friends with it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Brian Fantana: That was some crazy party. I am hungover.
    Champ Kind: I know. I woke up this morning and I shit a squirrel. I'm not kidding! It just came out of nowhere. I tried to flush it down the toilet and it crawled back up.
    Brick Tamland: Sorry, Champ. I think I ate your chocolate squirrel. (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: Um, Brick, before I let you go, are you still having your celebrity golf tournament?
    Brick Tamland: Um, no, no. Too many people died last year, so we're not gonna. (Ace Goodman)
  • Frank Vitchard: [after getting his right arm sliced off by a machete] I did *not* see that coming! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: Uncle Jonathan's corn-cob pipe! (Ace Goodman)
  • Ron Burgundy: You dirtbags have been in third place for five years.
    Frank Vitchard: Oh yeah? Well, you're about to be in... dead place (Ace Goodman)
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  • If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears. (Isaac Hayes)


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  • “I would like to think I would rise to the occasion, but it's just interesting to me how powerful human beings can be when pushed to their limit and I really wanted to find it realistically that she could fight back, that she could take the skills she had learned just from being a hotel manager and turn them around and actually escape the situation.” (Rachel McAdams) [think/human/find/fight]