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[laughter] Chris: I only joined the WI to make my mother happy. I do, I hate plum jam. I'm crap at cakes, I can't make sponge. In fact, seeing as it's unlikely that George Clooney would actually come to Skipton to do a talk on what it was like to be in "ER", there seems very little reason for me to actually stay in the WI. Except suddenly... suddenly I want to raise money in memory of a man I loved, and to do that I'm prepared to take me clothes off for a WI calendar, and if you can't give us ten minutes of your time, Madam Chairman, well then, frankly, guys, I'm going to do it without council approval. Because there are some things that are more important than council approval. And if it means that we get closer to killing off this shitty, cheating, sly, conniving bloody disease that cancer is, oh God, I tell you, I'd run round Skipton market naked, smeared in plum jam, wearing nothing but a knitted tea cosy on me head and singing "Jerusalem". (Ace Goodman) Chris: What happened in the spring of '75? Annie: There was a lizard in the shower block at Abergele. [laughter] Annie: Quite a few people saw me naked that morning. (Ace Goodman) [laughter] Chris: "Which makes it ironic my favourite flower isn't even indigenous to the British Isles, let alone Yorkshire. I don't think there's anything on this planet that more trumpets life that the sunflower. For me that's because of the reason behind its name. Not because it looks like the sun but because it follows the sun. During the course of the day, the head tracks the journey of the sun across the sky. A satellite dish for sunshine. Wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it. And that's such an admirable thing. And such a lesson in life." (Ace Goodman) John: It is a Norman church, you know. Chris: I'm not disputing the loveliness of the church, John. It's the firmness of the buttocks I'm worried about. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Chris: [mutters] ... George Clooney Marie: ...the churches of Wharfedale. Chris: [mutters] Eleven fully-clothed and a little "lift the flap" for December. (Ace Goodman) Michael: If I forgive you, will you get off of me? Vlad: Sure. Michael: Then, no. (Ace Goodman) Michael: I *know* you're not asking girlfriend out for a date after all this. Vlad: If she'll forgive me. Michael: This boy not only has cajones, but he's got burritos and huevos rancheros too. Ellen: [to Vlad] Okay. Michael: What? Vlad: Really? Ellen: I'll go out with you. Michael: Ellen, you're like some Jenny Jones guest! Ellen: Michael, eventually I have to start hanging out with boys who don't wear dresses. I thought we came here to go swimming. [to Vlad] Ellen: You coming in? Vlad: It's pretty cold. Ellen: I'll take my chances. Vlad: ...Okay. [they jump in lake] Ellen: It's not that cold. Vlad: It's freezing. Ellen: Don't be a girl - leave that to Michael. [Michael jumps in lake] Michael: You two are like a bad car wreck - I wash my hands of the both of you. Ellen: Oh yeah? Michael: Oh it's cold! Quit splashing! (Ace Goodman) [scene returns to singing cast, then shifts to Ellen's bathroom] Ellen's Brother: Ellen, what's the matter with you? Don't tell Mom I'm taking you to your stupid junior prom. Ellen: [in shower] Get out of here! Ellen's Brother: Your brother - how gross is that! Come on! Ellen: They don't know you're my brother. Please Ben you have to - I'll pay you. Ellen's Brother: Find someone who's not related to you. Loser. [scene shifts to Michael, in drag, attempting to enter his prom - the teacher rips up his ticket and he's beaten up by fellow students - Michael dreams himself back to the cast singing "How Shall I See You Through My Tears"] (Ace Goodman) Shaun: I watched my junior prom from outside in the bushes for three hours. Spitzer: Oh, that's so Stella Dallas! (Ace Goodman) Glen: I think you'd better. Fritzi: Wait! Bert: Fritzi, what in the hell are you doing here? Fritzi: Well I... I knew you'd be discussing stopping the show and I just thought how disappointed all the kids would be after... Bert: You scheming little bitch! Fritzi: Oh please! I'm a child. Bert: If you think for one... Fritzi: Oh save the speech, rummy. She's fucked, I'm ready, and the goddamn show must go on. So let's get cracking, shall we? (Ace Goodman) Fritzi: No, I was here last year. Don't you remember me? [on her negative] Fritzi: We were in 'Night, Mother together. (Ace Goodman) Jenna: I have to go to the bathroom. Director: Pee in the dumpster! (Ace Goodman) Spitzer: I think I've met your sister, Cinderella. (Ace Goodman) Spencer: What's that? Ellen: Means Michael has to stay thirty feet away from him until we find out if he's straight or gay. (Ace Goodman) Michael: Are you kidding? I'm doing everything but bat my eyes! (Ace Goodman) Michael: What? You mean sleep with a straight guy? What for? (Ace Goodman) Vlad: I think you're very pretty. (Ace Goodman) | |
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