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Princess Fiona: The battle is won. You may remove your helmet, good Sir Knight.
Shrek: Uh, no.
Princess Fiona: Why not?
Shrek: I have helmet hair.
Princess Fiona: Please. I would'st look upon the face of my rescuer.
Shrek: Oh, no, you wouldn't... tst.
Princess Fiona: But... how will you kiss me?
Shrek: What? That wasn't in the job description.
The Donkey: Maybe it's a perk. (Coyote Peter)
The Donkey: All right, I hope you heard that? She called me a "noble steed." She thinks I'm a steed. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Hi, princess.
Princess Fiona: It talks.
Shrek: Yeah, but it's getting him to shut up that's the trick. (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: What kind of a knight are you?
Shrek: One of a kind. (Coyote Peter)
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Princess Fiona: You didn't slay the dragon?
Shrek: It's on my "to do" list. Now come on.
Princess Fiona: But this isn't right. You're meant to charge in, sword drawn, banner flying-that's what all the other knights did.
Shrek: Yeah, right before they burst into flame. (Coyote Peter)
Princess Fiona: What are you doing? You know, you should sweep me off my feet out yonder window and down a rope onto your valiant steed.
Shrek: You've had a lot of time to plan this, haven't you? (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Why of course you're a girl dragon. You're just reeking of feminine beauty... hey, what's the matter wit you, you got somethin' in your eye? (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Oh, what large teeth you have. I mean white sparkly teeth, I know you probably hear this all the time from your food but you must bleach or something, 'cause that's one dazzling smile you got there and do I detect a hint of minty freshness? (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Don't mess wit' me. I'm the Stair Master. I've Mastered the Stairs. I wish I had a step right here, I could step here and here and here and step all over it. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Go over there and see if you can find any stairs.
Donkey: Stairs? I thought we was lookin' for the Princess.
Shrek: The Princess will be up the stairs in the highest room in the tallest tower.
Donkey: How do you know that?
Shrek: I read it in a book once. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Donkey, two things okay? Shut... up. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: In the tower, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Shrek, I'm looking down. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down. Keep on moving, don't look down... (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: I'll find those stairs. I'll whip their butt, too. Those stairs won't know which way they're going. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Shrek, you know how ogres have layers?
Shrek: Oh, aye?
Donkey: Well, donkeys don't have no layers. We wear our fear right there on our sleeves.
Shrek: But Donkey, donkeys don't wear sleeves.
Donkey: You know what I mean.
Shrek: You can't tell me you're afraid of heights?
Donkey: No, I'm just uncomfortable about being on a rickety bridge, over a *boiling lake of lava*. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Sure it's big enough... but look at the location. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Man, you gotta warn somebody before you crack one like that. My mouth was open and everything.
Shrek: Donkey, if that was me, you'd be dead. That's brimstone... we must be getting close
Donkey: Yeah, right, brimstone, don't be talking about no brimstone. I know what I smelt and it wasn't no brimstone and it didn't come off no stone neither. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Ogres are like onions.
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes. No.
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry.
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Oh, you leave em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs.
Shrek: NO. Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers. Onions have layers. You get it? We both have layers.
[sighs]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. (Coyote Peter)
Donkey: Okay, let me get this straight: you gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad'll give you back your swamp, which you only don't have 'cos he filled it full of freaks in the first place, is that about right? (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: Thank you, thank you very much. I'm here 'til Thursday. Try the veal. (Coyote Peter)
Lord Farquaad: What's that? It's hideous.
Shrek: Well, that's not very nice.
[looks at Donkey]
Shrek: It's just a donkey. (Coyote Peter)
Lord Farquaad: Some of you may die, but its a sacrifice I'm willing to make. (Coyote Peter)
Shrek: All right, you're going the right way for a smack bottom. (Coyote Peter)
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