Isabel Bigelow: [jumping up and down in excitement with Maria] I don't know why we're doing this, but it's fun!! (Ace Goodman)
Isabel Bigelow: [after Darin's dog jumps into her arms] Thank God you didn't have a great Dane! (Ace Goodman)
Isabel Bigelow: [Jack Wyatt is being a jerk on "Inside the Actor's Studio." Isabel gets on the phone with Nina.] Yes, I'm watching it. What's a "dick?" (Ace Goodman)
Isabel Bigelow: [Isabel rewinds time to undo a hex that was put on Jack and ends up back to where she was on the phone with Nina while watching Jack on "Inside the Actor's Studio."] Yes, I'm watching it, and you're right, he is a great big male reproductive organ! (Ace Goodman)
Ritchie: Now, get out there and be the mayor of Pussytown!
Jack Wyatt: I don't want to be the mayor of Pussytown!
Ritchie: Then get out there and be the sheriff of Ballsville! (Ace Goodman)
Valet: [to Isabel, who is trying to convince Jack that she is actually a witch] Miss, could you direct me to your car.
Jack Wyatt: [sarcastically] Oh, she doesn't need a car, she has a broomstick. (Ace Goodman)
Maria Kelly: When my first husband left me I was so angry I wanted to cut his brake cables... but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine. (Ace Goodman)
Jack Wyatt: Endora, you rancid fruit bag, get out of my room. (Ace Goodman)
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love in a hot-air balloon - let's make love in a candy factory - let's make love in a petting zoo-
Isabel Bigelow: I have to undo this...
Jack Wyatt: Let's make love at Sea World on the back of a killer whale! (Ace Goodman)
Jack Wyatt: I'm going to be killed by a fictional character!
Uncle Arthur: Yes, you are. (Ace Goodman)
Girl: [Nigel Bigelow does a double take at a pretty girl] Hey there! I have Hepatitis C! (Ace Goodman)
Ritchie: That's it. You're fired.
Isabel Bigelow: Doesn't matter... I quit! Yeah, so you better call my agent.
Jim Fields: You don't have an agent.
Isabel Bigelow: Then call my cable man! (Ace Goodman)
Elisabeth Elliot Gren: We were both Greek Majors. We saw each other every day. Every once in a while he would come along and he'd just slap his books down on the table and he'd sit down next to me and he'd say, "Well, where we were today?" And I said, "Well, What do you mean, 'Where are we?' You know I'm on this page and you're six pages behind or something." (Ace Goodman)
Bobby Darin: Kissing Troy Donahue is not acting.
Sandra Dee: Well, then, you should try it. (Ace Goodman)
Sandra Dee: Charlie walked in on me in the shower earlier.
Bobby Darin: Oh, really. What did he want?
Sandra Dee: He asked me if I wanted a corned beef sandwich. (Ace Goodman)
Sandra Dee: I've never worked with somebody so unprofessional in my life. I mean, have you ever even acted before?
Bobby Darin: Well, I'm learning but let me tell you something, blondie, you're not exactly Katherine Hepburn. (Ace Goodman)
Bobby Darin: No matter what happens, baby, you'll always be Sandra Dee. (Ace Goodman)
Bobby Darin: Memories are like moonbeams, we do with them what we will. (Ace Goodman)
Bobby Darin: You're gonna be easy to love. (Ace Goodman)
Polly Cassotto: You can never go wrong with the truth. (Ace Goodman)
Bobby Darin: It's OK, I'm not gonna hurt you. Watch. My momma used to tell me a story when I was a kid that in the Middle Ages, one of the knights in King Arthur's court, he laid down his sword between himself and Guinevere, and he promised that he would never cross over to the other side of the bed.
Sandra Dee: Really?
Bobby Darin: I am laying down this sword between us. That's my side of the bed, and that's yours, and I will never cross over. Ever. I don't care if we don't touch for a thousand nights. Only you can cross over to my side. Only you. (Ace Goodman)
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