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  • Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?
    Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
    Shrek: Go away
    Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: Where there is a will there is a way, and I have a way. (Ace Goodman)
  • Shrek: Does anyone know where this Farquaad guy is?
    [Donkey jumps up and down, shouting out like a young child]
    Donkey: Oh, I know. I know where he is.
    Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him?
    Donkey: Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me! (Ace Goodman)
  • Princess Fiona: Wait. Where are you going?
    Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass. (Ace Goodman)
  • Shrek: Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss.
    [tears out a page and laughs]
    Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of... (Ace Goodman)
  • Gingerbread Man: God bless us, everyone. (Ace Goodman)
  • Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
    [Stands up and looks at herself, then at Shrek]
    Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
    Shrek: But you are beautiful. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: Aright, nobody move. I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it.
    [gasps from villagers and guards in the church]
    Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge. (Ace Goodman)
  • Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding? (Ace Goodman)
  • Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before.
    Shrek: Well, er, *that* explains a lot. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
    Shrek: Yes.
    Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
    Shrek: Yes.
    Donkey: Please her?
    Shrek: Yes.
    Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little *tenderness*! Chicks love that romantic crap. (Ace Goodman)
  • The Donkey: Stop it, nobody likes a kiss-ass. (Ace Goodman)
  • The Donkey: C'mon, princess, you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. (Ace Goodman)
  • Princess Fiona: By night one way, by day another / This shall be the norm / Until you find true love's first kiss / Then... take love's true form. (Ace Goodman)
  • The Donkey: Oh man. I can't feel my toes.
    The Donkey: I don't have any toes.
    The Donkey: I think I need a hug. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: Don't die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light. (Ace Goodman)
  • Princess Fiona: Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...
    [points]
    Princess Fiona: THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT.
    Shrek: What?
    [looks at arrow]
    Shrek: Oh, would you look at that. (Ace Goodman)
  • Shrek: Hold the phone. (Ace Goodman)
  • The Donkey: Shrek.
    Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
    The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
    [Fiona burps louder]
    Princess Fiona: Thanks.
    The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are. (Ace Goodman)
  • The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
    Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
    The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
    Shrek: That's the moon.
    The Donkey: Oh, okay. (Ace Goodman)
  • Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. (Ace Goodman)
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