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Shrek: If I treat you so badly, then why are you still here?
Donkey: Because that's what friends do, they FORGIVE EACH OTHER. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: You're so wrapped up in layers onion boy, your afraid of your own feelings.
Shrek: Go away
Donkey: There you are doing it again, just like you did to Fiona, all she ever did was like you maybe even love you. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "No, I don't like no parfait"? (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: Where there is a will there is a way, and I have a way. (Curtis Ken)
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Shrek: Does anyone know where this Farquaad guy is?
[Donkey jumps up and down, shouting out like a young child]
Donkey: Oh, I know. I know where he is.
Shrek: Does anyone else know where to find him?
Donkey: Pick me! Pick me! Me! Me! (Curtis Ken)
Princess Fiona: Wait. Where are you going?
Shrek: Well, I have to save my ass. (Curtis Ken)
Shrek: Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon. Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but none prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep, in the highest room of the tallest tower, for her true love, and true love's first kiss.
[tears out a page and laughs]
Shrek: Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of... (Curtis Ken)
Gingerbread Man: God bless us, everyone. (Curtis Ken)
Shrek: Fiona? Are you all right?
[Stands up and looks at herself, then at Shrek]
Princess Fiona: Yes. But, I don't understand. I'm supposed to be beautiful.
Shrek: But you are beautiful. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: Huh, celebrity marriages. They never last, do they? (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: Aright, nobody move. I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it.
[gasps from villagers and guards in the church]
Donkey: I'm a donkey on the edge. (Curtis Ken)
Lord Farquaad: Now really, it's rude enough being alive when no one wants you, but showing up uninvited to a wedding? (Curtis Ken)
Princess Fiona: I wanted to show you before.
Shrek: Well, er, *that* explains a lot. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: You love this woman, don't ya?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Do you wanna hold her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Please her?
Shrek: Yes.
Donkey: Then ya gotta, gotta try a little *tenderness*! Chicks love that romantic crap. (Curtis Ken)
The Donkey: Stop it, nobody likes a kiss-ass. (Curtis Ken)
The Donkey: C'mon, princess, you're not that ugly. All right, you are ugly. But you're only like this at night. Shrek's ugly 24/7. (Curtis Ken)
Princess Fiona: By night one way, by day another / This shall be the norm / Until you find true love's first kiss / Then... take love's true form. (Curtis Ken)
The Donkey: Oh man. I can't feel my toes.
The Donkey: I don't have any toes.
The Donkey: I think I need a hug. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't COLOR-BLIND. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: Don't die, Shrek. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light. (Curtis Ken)
Princess Fiona: Well, when one lives alone, one has to learns these things in case there's...
[points]
Princess Fiona: THERE'S AN ARROW IN YOUR BUTT.
Shrek: What?
[looks at arrow]
Shrek: Oh, would you look at that. (Curtis Ken)
Shrek: Hold the phone. (Curtis Ken)
The Donkey: Shrek.
Shrek: What? It's a compliment. Better out than in, I always say.
The Donkey: But that's no way to behave in front of a princess.
[Fiona burps louder]
Princess Fiona: Thanks.
The Donkey: [to Shrek] She's as nasty as you are. (Curtis Ken)
The Donkey: So, uh, are there any donkeys up there?
Shrek: Well, there's, um, Gabby, the Small and Annoying.
The Donkey: Okay, okay, I see it now. The big shiny one, right there. That one there?
Shrek: That's the moon.
The Donkey: Oh, okay. (Curtis Ken)
Donkey: You cut me deep, Shrek. You cut me real deep just now. (Curtis Ken)
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