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The Joker: Oh, Little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance. (Ace Goodman) Grissom: [turning around to see the figure of a man] Who the hell are you? The Joker: It's me, Sugarbumps. (Ace Goodman) The Joker: Better make it ten. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Two-Face: Ah. Fortune smiles. Another day of wine and roses. Or, in your case, beer and pizza! (Ace Goodman) Dr. Chase Meridian: He's at home. I sent the signal. Batman: What's wrong? Dr. Chase Meridian: Last night, at the bank, I noticed something about Two-Face. His coin. It's his Achilles' heel. It can be exploited. Batman: I know. You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper. Dr. Chase Meridian: Well I wish I could say that my interest in you was... purely professional. Batman: You trying to get under my cape, doctor? Dr. Chase Meridian: A girl can't live by psychoses alone. Batman: It's the car, right? Chicks love the car. Dr. Chase Meridian: What is it about the wrong kind of man? In grade school it was guys with earrings. College, motorcycles, leather jackets. Now, *oh*, black rubber. Batman: Try firemen, less to take off. Dr. Chase Meridian: I don't mind the work. Pity I can't see behind the mask. Batman: We all wear masks. Dr. Chase Meridian: My life's an open book. You read? Batman: I don't blend in at a family picnic. Dr. Chase Meridian: Oh, we could give it a try. I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche. Batman: Direct aren't you? Dr. Chase Meridian: You like strong women. I've done my homework. Or do I need skin-tight vinyl and a whip? Batman: I haven't had that much luck with women. Dr. Chase Meridian: Maybe you just haven't met the right woman. (Ace Goodman) Bruce Wayne: How about Dick Grayson, college student? Dick Grayson: Screw you! (Ace Goodman) Alfred Pennyworth: Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir? Batman: I'll get drive-thru. (Ace Goodman) [pauses] The Riddler: Was that over the top? I can never tell. (Ace Goodman) Two-Face: Just waiting for you to deliver the Batman, dear boy. The Riddler: Patience, O Bifurcated One! Two-Face: Patience is hell! We want him dead! The Riddler: Well, you could have let me in on the caper. We could have organized this, planned it... pre-sold the movie rights. [Batman enters through the skylight, and begins to fit Two-Face's thugs] The Riddler: You're entrance was good. His was better. [Batman continues to fit thugs] The Riddler: The difference: showmanship! (Ace Goodman) Robin: Holey rusted metal, Batman! Batman: Huh? Robin: The ground, it's all metal. It's full of holes. You know, holey. Batman: Oh. (Ace Goodman) Bruce Wayne: You haven't called me that for a long time. Alfred Pennyworth: Old habits die hard. Are you all right? Bruce Wayne: Where's Chase? Alfred Pennyworth: I'm afraid they've already taken Dr. Meridian. Master Dick has run away. The cave has been destroyed. And there is another riddle. (Ace Goodman) Alfred Pennyworth: Not entirely unclever, sir, but what do a clock, a match, chess pawns, and vowels have in common? What do these riddles mean? Bruce Wayne: Every riddle has a number in the question and they arrived at this order: 13, 1, 8, and 5. Alfred Pennyworth: 13, 1, 8, and 5. What do they mean? Bruce Wayne: Perhaps letters of the alphabet? Alfred Pennyworth: Of course, 13 is M. Bruce Wayne: 1 would be A, 8 would be H, and 5 would be E. Alfred Pennyworth: M-A-H-E. Bruce Wayne: Perhaps 1 and 8 are 18. Alfred Pennyworth: 18 is R. M-R-E. Bruce Wayne: How about Mr. E.? Alfred Pennyworth: Mystery. Bruce Wayne: And another name for mystery? Alfred Pennyworth: Enigma. Bruce Wayne: Mr. E. Nygma. Edward Nygma. Stickley's suicide was obviously a computer-generated forgery. Alfred Pennyworth: You really are quite bright, despite what people say. (Ace Goodman) Batman: Poor Edward. I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now, because I choose to be. (Ace Goodman) The Riddler: I hope you made extra. Two-Face: Who the hell are you? The Riddler: Just a friend. But you can call me... the Riddler. (Ace Goodman) Dr. Chase Meridian: I'm flattered. Not every girl makes a superhero's night table. (Ace Goodman) Batman: Agreed. A trauma powerful enough to create an alternate personality leaves the victim... Dr. Chase Meridian: - in a world where normal rules of right and wrong no longer apply. Batman: Exactly. Dr. Chase Meridian: Like you. - Well, let's just say that I could write a hell of a paper on a grown man who dresses like a flying rodent. Batman: Bats aren't rodents, Dr. Meridian. (Ace Goodman) | |
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