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  • Jack Byrnes: Okay we can play 3 on 2, but we'll need someone to be official quarterback.
    Bernie Focker: Gay goes both ways.
    Jack Byrnes: Oh, I'll bet he does. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dina Byrnes: Bernie, this frittata is wonderful, what's in it?
    Bernie Focker: Well, a lot of the taste comes from this old skillet. I've never washed it. (Ace Goodman)
  • Roz Focker: Nah, I'm bored. Come on, Dina. You want a Spritzer?
    Dina Byrnes: What? Oh, a Spritzer. Sounds yummy. (Ace Goodman)
  • Greg Focker: [to Little Jack] What? You don't like me. I don't like your little red outfit. It makes you look like a little demon baby. Maybe I'll get you a little pitchfork for Christmas, so we can put you on a can of Underwood ham. I'm sorry I can't make little poop sounds and I can't make little things that tell people when I want to do things. But I have a sign for you.
    [sticks up middle finger]
    Greg Focker: How's that for a sign? (Ace Goodman)
  • Bernie Focker: At least I'm comfortable enough in my skin to cook for my family. Tell me when was the last time you gave your wife breakfast in bed? When was the last time you gave her anything in bed?
    Jack Byrnes: Now you're outta line Focker.
    Bernie Focker: No man you are outta line. You hurt my feelings there. There's no reason to hurt my feelings.
    [looks at Greg and points to Jack]
    Bernie Focker: He insulted me. (Ace Goodman)
  • Greg Focker: [singing] And if that mockingbird don't sing, then... Greg is gonna buy you a... diamond ring. And if that diamond ring gets sold, then... Greg is gonna feel like a... big asshole.
    Little Jack: ...Asshole!
    Greg Focker: [surprised] !... No... oh, no, you don't wanna say that word, cause that's a bad word!
    Little Jack: Asshole! (Ace Goodman)
  • Little Jack: Ash!hoole
    Greg Focker: Jack's Mole! 'Cause grandpa Jack has a big mole on his cheek! (Ace Goodman)
  • Dina Byrnes: Muskrat (Ace Goodman)
  • Dina Byrnes: [after Bernie has destroyed Jack's toilet to save Moses] Jack, he was just trying to save his pet. I mean, what if it had been Jinx who fell in the toilet?
    Jack Byrnes: [matter-of-factly] Mr. Jinx has had extensive aquatic training. He would have known exactly what to have done in a submergion. (Ace Goodman)
  • Dina Byrnes: Oh, Jack, isn't it wonderful? The kids are *finally* getting married?
    Jack Byrnes: [about Little Jack] Wait a second; I think he spoke!
    [pushes Dina aside]
    Jack Byrnes: Little Jack! Were you about to speak?
    [Little Jack passes gas]
    Jack Byrnes: It's nothing, just a little flatulence. What were you saying, Dina? (Ace Goodman)
  • Officer LeFlore: [to Bernie and Greg] I need you to... remain... on... the vehicle! (Ace Goodman)
  • Dina Byrnes: [about their trailer] I call it "The Hilight of the Twilight". (Ace Goodman)
  • James Bond: So you want me to be half-monk, half-hitman.
    M: Any thug can kill. I need you to take your ego out of the equation. (Ace Goodman)
  • M: You've got a bloody cheek! (Ace Goodman)
  • Vesper Lynd: It doesn't bother you; killing all those people?
    James Bond: Well I wouldn't be very good at my job if it did. (Ace Goodman)
  • James Bond: I already have a dinner jacket.
    Vesper Lynd: There are dinner jackets and then there are dinner jackets; this is the latter. And I need you to look like a man who belongs at that table.
    James Bond: How... it's tailored?
    Vesper Lynd: I sized you up the moment we met. (Ace Goodman)
  • James Bond: I know where you keep your gun. (Ace Goodman)
  • Vesper Lynd: Am I going to have a problem with you, Mr. Bond?
    James Bond: No, don't worry, you're not my type.
    Vesper Lynd: Smart?
    James Bond: Single. (Ace Goodman)
  • Vesper Lynd: I'll keep my eyes on our government's money and off your perfectly formed ass.
    James Bond: You noticed.
    Vesper Lynd: Even accountants have imagination. (Ace Goodman)
  • Vesper Lynd: You love me?
    James Bond: Enough to travel the world with you until one of us has to take an honest job... which I think is going to have to be you, because I have no idea what an honest job is. (Ace Goodman)
  • James Bond: I'm sorry I'm not sorry. (Ace Goodman)
  • Gettler: I'll kill her!
    James Bond: Allow me. (Ace Goodman)
  • Le Chiffre: The only question remains. Will you yield... in time? (Ace Goodman)
  • Le Chiffre: You know, I never understood all these elaborate tortures. It's the simplest thing... to cause more pain than a man can possibly endure. And of course, it's not only the immediate agony, but the knowledge that - if you do not yield soon enough - there will be little left to identify you as a man. The only question remains: will you yield... in time? (Ace Goodman)
  • Le Chiffre: Wow. You've taken good care of your body. Such... a waste. (Ace Goodman)
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  • If you enjoy the fragrance of a rose, you must accept the thorns which it bears. (Isaac Hayes)

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  • “I would like to think I would rise to the occasion, but it's just interesting to me how powerful human beings can be when pushed to their limit and I really wanted to find it realistically that she could fight back, that she could take the skills she had learned just from being a hotel manager and turn them around and actually escape the situation.” (Rachel McAdams) [think/human/find/fight]