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[hits her head on a microphone hanging from the ceiling] (Ace Goodman) Cody: It's a boy. He's going to be an asshole. (Ace Goodman) Cody: You're getting lucky tonight. [to "woman" walking out behind him, holding his hand] Cody: He doesn't know you're a guy. (Ace Goodman) | |
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Tom: What is your dream? George: To have a dream. (Ace Goodman) Father Muldoon: We're getting along *famously*. (Ace Goodman) President Harris: Don't spell in front of me damn it. (Ace Goodman) George: You mean... You watched the video tape? Alien #1: Our satellite caught up what we thought was Pootie Tang, that was a week ago. Now our planet will be destroyed, unless the girl is dead. Tom: Aw, you see, they are friendly. Mahalik: If they're friendly, how come they choke us few minutes ago? Alien #1: Oh... that's how we say hello. (Ace Goodman) George: I don't know what you're talking about. Sometimes a sheep just needs to be pushed through the fence. (Ace Goodman) Cindy: Hello? Tabitha's Voice: [indistinct] Seven days. Cindy: What? Willie Mays? Tabitha's Voice: [indistinct] Seven days. Cindy: Who's gay? Hello? Tabitha's Voice: [indistinct] Seven days. Cindy: What? Tabitha's Voice: Can you hear me now? Cindy: Kind of. Tabitha's Voice: Can you hear me now? Cindy: Yes. Perfect. Tabitha's Voice: Seven days. Cindy: Seven days. Oh, my God. I'm gonna die next Monday? Tabitha's Voice: Yes. No. Wait. Monday. That would be seven business days. This is seven days starting now. Cindy: So seven days to this very hour? My watch broke. How am I gonna know the exact hour? Tabitha's Voice: Forget hours. This day seven days from now. Cindy: But there's a holiday coming up. Do you count the holiday? Tabitha's Voice: Well, that depends. What holiday? Cindy: Martin Luther King Day. Tabitha's Voice: Then no. Cindy: Why not? Everybody at work is taking it off. Tabitha's Voice: Jesus Christ, lady. I'm giving you seven friggin' days. I can come over now and kill the shit out of you if you'd rather have that. (Ace Goodman) Becca: You know, there's so many magnetic waves travelling in the airspace because of TV and television, we're losing like ten times as many brain cells as we're supposed to. Kate: Oh, please! Kate: The cow says blank? Three letters? Becca: Dude! Kate: Dude! I dont know, magnetic waves, brain cells, I don?t understand the connection between all that stuff. Becca: You know what else I heard? Magnetic waves shrink silicone molecules. [both look down at breasts] Becca: Agghh! Oh, my God, turn it off! Kate: It's not working! Becca: It's backwards! Kate: What do we do? Becca: I dont know! Aghhhh! Kate: That was kind of scary. Becca: I know something even scarier. Kate: Ooh, what? Becca: Have you heard about this videotape? Kate: The one where they do it on the boat and then in the car and then in the bathtub? And he's like, "Hey, baby, I love you? and she's like "Where are we?" And did you see the size...? Becca: No. Not that tape. The one with all the scary images, and after you watch the tape, the phone rings and this really scary voice comes on and says you're gonna die in like... Kate: Seven days! Yeah, I saw that one with Josh last weekend! Becca: You were with Josh last weeknd? Oh, my God! [throws pillow at Kate] Kate: Oh, yes I was! [hits Becca with laptop] Becca: You ho! [smashes glass vase on Kate's head] Kate: You know it! [pulls Becca's G-string up] Kate: [phone rings] Becca: [walking to the phone] This is really weird. Kate: Yeah, big house, only one phone. (Ace Goodman) Tom: How do you like it? (Ace Goodman) [puts hand up in the air] George: and start livin' down here? [puts hand down low] Mahalik: Or what if we stop livin' over here [puts his hand out to the side] Mahalik: and start livin' over there? [puts his hand to the other side] CJ: Shit, my aunt Shaneequa used to live over there! But that bitch got evicted though. Mahalik: For what? CJ: Mice. Mahalik: I thought she had rats? CJ: No, rate are out side, mice are inside. Mahalik: But what if a mouse goes outside does it become a rat, and if a rat is in the house, is it a mouse? CJ: I ain't seen no mouse outside. That's what I'm sayin'. Mahalik: That's because it's a rat, fool! CJ: Damn! You mighta just made fact. That's some real shit right there! A-Ha! George: Guys, I really don't see what this has anything to do with anything... (Ace Goodman) Tom: Oh. I better tell her. George: No, no, no. I can do it. Sue? Sue: Yes? George: You know your teacher, Miss Brenda? Sue: Yeah. George: She's dead! Sue: Aah! George: Gone forever! Died a horrible, painful death! Gone, gone, gone, just like your dog! Sue: My dog's dead? George: I just ran him over with the car when I drove in! Everyone you love around you is dying! (Ace Goodman) Brenda Meeks: Now who the fuck did that? (Ace Goodman) Cindy: Acidulant? I uh... The Architect: Grotesquery?... No?... What about, contingent affirmation?... That's gotta mean somethin... (Ace Goodman) | |
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