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Dr. Evil: Why make a trillion when we could make... billions? Scott: A trillion's more than a billion, numbnuts. (Ace Goodman) Commander Gilmour: Are you suggesting that we blow up the moon? The President: Would you miss it? [looks around the table] The President: Would you miss it? (Ace Goodman) Radar Operator: No, sir, he got away in that big spaceship that looks like a huge... Teacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or... Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener? Friendly Son: Dad, what's that? Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it has great big... Peanut Vendor: Nuts. Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some?... Peanut Vendor: Lord Almighty! Woman: That looks just like my husband's... Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster! Cyclops: RARRR. Cyclops: Hey, what's that? It looks like a... Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Could I have your autograph? Woody: Sure. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing! Fan: It's so huge. Woody: No, I've seen bigger. That's... Dr. Evil: Just a little prick. (Ace Goodman) Austin: Really? Dr. Evil: No, not really. I can't back that up. Austin: Right. Idiot, yes (Ace Goodman) | |
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[on the verge of tears] I can't stop eating. I eat because I'm unhappy, and I'm unhappy because I eat. It's a vicious cycle. Now, if you'll excuse me, there's someone I'd like to get in touch with and forgive... myself. [Farts] (Ace Goodman) [pauses] Dr. Evil: I would probably move on, get another clone but there would be a 15 minute period there where I would just be inconsolable. (Ace Goodman) [Scott snickers] Dr. Evil: What? Scott: Oh, nothing, Darth. Dr. Evil: What did you call me? Scott: Nothing. [pretends to sneeze] Dr. Evil: Ripoff. Dr. Evil: Bless you. (Ace Goodman) Felicity Shagwell: Mmm, lower. Austin: [deep voice] How does that feel, baby? (Ace Goodman) The President: What hand? Dr. Evil: You aren't all that and a bag of potato chips. The President: What are you talking about? Dr. Evil: Don't go there, girlfriend. The President: Whose girlfriend? Dr. Evil: Don't mess with me. I'm one crazy mo-fo. I once popped a cop cause he wasn't giving my props in Oak town. No? I've heard that somewhere. (Ace Goodman) Dr Evil: Scott, you had your chance, okay? I've already had someone created in my image. He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. Scott: Him? Look at him, he's crazy. He's like a vicious little Chihuahua thing. He'll kill me the first chance he gets. Dr Evil: Probably. (Ace Goodman) Austin: Well everyone has their own flying car, entire meals come in pill form, and the Earth is run by DAMN DIRTY APES. Felicity Shagwell: Oh My God. (Ace Goodman) Dr. Evil: Charming Fat Bastard: I'm not kiddin'. I've got a crap on deck that could choke a donkey. Aww, it's SQUIDGY. Christ, I'm gettin' all emotional from it, ya know? (Ace Goodman) Austin: The 70s and the 80s? I've looked into it. There's a gas shortage and A Flock of Seagulls. That's about it. (Ace Goodman) Austin: I don't care if he is a fat bastard, Felicity, you don't kick a man in the pills... it's just not cricket. (Ace Goodman) | |
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