Hagrid: Well, first the committee took turns in talking about 'why we were there'. Then I stood up and said my bit, how Buckbeak was a good hippogriff, always cleaned his feathers. And then Lucius Malfoy got up... (Coyote Peter)
Fat Lady in Painting: [sings while holding a glass] Ah ah ah AH!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat Lady in Painting: No, wait, wait!
[sings again, higher]
Fat Lady in Painting: Ah ah ah AH!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat Lady in Painting: Wait!
[sings again, highest]
Fat Lady in Painting: Ah ah ah AAAAAAAAAAAH!
[holds the note, looks around to make sure nobody's watching, then smashes the glass on the edge of the painting]
Fat Lady in Painting: Oh, amazing! And just with my voice!
Harry: Fortuna Major.
Fat Lady in Painting: Yes, all right, all right, you can go in.
Harry: Thank you!
Fat Lady in Painting: Plebs. (Coyote Peter)
Professor Lupin: [Harry's turned up to visit him after the battle in the woods] I saw you coming.
[points to Marauder's Map]
Professor Lupin: I've looked worse, believe me. (Coyote Peter)
Hogwarts Choir: [singing] In the cauldron boil and bake / Fillet of a fenny snake / Scale of dragon, Tooth of wolf / Witches, mummy, maw and gulf / Double, double, toil and trouble / Fire burn and cauldron bubble! / Double, double, toil and trouble / Fire burn and cauldron bubble! / Double, double, toil and trouble / Fire burn and cauldron bubble! / Something wicked this way comes! (Coyote Peter)
Dumbledore: Professor Kettleburn, our Care of Magical Creatures teacher for many years, has decided to retire in order to spend more time with his remaining limbs. (Coyote Peter)
Hagrid: First thing you wanna know about hippogriffs, is that they're very proud creatures, very easily offended. You do not want to insult a hippogriff. It may just be the last thing you ever do. Now, who'd like to come and say hello?
[everyone but Harry takes one step back]
Hagrid: Well done, Harry, well done! (Coyote Peter)
Harry: But the Muggles! Can't they see us?
Stan Shunpike: Muggles? They don't see nothing, do they?
Shrunken Head: Yeah, but if you jab them with a fork, they feel it! (Coyote Peter)
Cornelius Fudge: You will be pleased to hear that two members of the Accidental Magical Reversal Department were dispatched to Privet Drive a few hours ago. Miss Dursley has been punctured and her memory has been modified. She has no recollection of the incident at all. So that's that, and no harm done. (Coyote Peter)
Harry: Professor, can I ask you something?
Professor Lupin: You want to know why I stopped you fighting the boggart that other day? I would have thought that was obvious. I assumed that if you faced the boggart, it would assume the shape of Lord Voldemort.
Harry: I did think of him at first. But then I remembered that night on the train. I thought of those dementors.
Professor Lupin: I'm impressed, Harry. That suggests that what you fear most of all... is fear. Very wise. (Coyote Peter)
Harry: Lumos Maxima! (Coyote Peter)
Hermione: Harry, Harry!
Shrunken head 1: I say! No underage wizards allowed in today. SHUT THE DAMN DOOR
Hermione: So rude!
Ron: Thick-heads.
Shrunken head 2: Thick-heads... how dare they. Who are they calling thick heads? Young whippersnappers! (Coyote Peter)
Ron: [Hermione is walking towards the werewolf Lupin] Hermione... bad idea... bad idea... (Coyote Peter)
Hermione: [watches as Harry and Sirius are being attacked by Dementors from the other side of the lake]
[speaks calmly]
Hermione: This is horrible. (Coyote Peter)
Dr. Quinn Burchenal: Uh oh - we're going to talk about God now, aren't we? 'Cause if we are, I'm going to need another pop.
Chantilas: Not God... faith.
Dr. Quinn Burchenal: Faith? Oh, I had a girlfriend named Faith. She cheated on me, with a girl named Chastity. (Coyote Peter)
Gallagher: Well, here it is: that time they told us about in high school when math would save our lives. (Coyote Peter)
Commander Kate Bowman: Could you, uh... pass me that towel? (Coyote Peter)
Commander Kate Bowman: Could you pass me the towel, please?
Gallagher: Sure. Sorry.
Commander Kate Bowman: Just pretend I'm your sister.
Gallagher: [grins] I have two sisters. They don't look like you. (Coyote Peter)
Gallagher: Fuck this planet! (Coyote Peter)
Dr. Quinn Burchenal: We just disappointed 10 billion people. Not counting the ex-wives. (Coyote Peter)
Gallagher: I prefer one moon, you know? That way you know what to call it: The Moon. (Coyote Peter)
Commander Kate Bowman: No joy on all scenarios for engine ignition. That includes hitting the console
[hits the console]
Commander Kate Bowman: . What next? Over. (Coyote Peter)
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